


Now You Must Endure

by RheaRevasan



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bittersweet, Chain Lightning, Clever Solas, Diamondback - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fade Tongue, Filling In the Gaps, Fluff and Smut, Hahren, Indomitable Focus, Mostly-Canon, Nugs, Slow Burn, Spoilers, The Fade, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:09:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3323588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RheaRevasan/pseuds/RheaRevasan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I found myself craving a bit more detail when it comes to the Lavellan/Solas romance so this fic is my attempt at fleshing out their relationship and showing how they came to feel so strongly about each other.</p><p>And I'm going to admit right now, the first chapter is pretty basic exposition that doesn't deviate much from the game so it might be a bit dry but with any luck it should pick up in the next few chapters.</p><p>Fade-tongue in chapter 10, for those interested in skipping straight to the fun stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well, Bianca's Excited...

“We’re getting close. You can hear the fighting. We must help them!” The Seeker shouted as we reached the top of the stairs. 

I could hardly make out friend from foe at such a distance, but as we neared I could see just what we were dealing with. There were several demons clustered around what looked to be a group of soldiers, a dwarf, and a mage. Floating above the fighting was a rift, sputtering and spasming in a rhythm that matched the mark on my hand.

Breathless, I planted myself at the top of the stairs. The human-made staff felt clunky in my hands, but there was no time to consider an alternative. As demons closed in upon the mage and dwarf I swept my hand through the air and cast a barrier around them both. Content that my allies would survive in the short term, I turned my focus to defeating the demons. We were able to dispatch our enemies in a matter of seconds.

I would have given anything for a rest right then. Between fighting demons and charging up the mountainside I was spent. I leaned on my staff, shoulders slouching and my head dropping. My breaths came quick and ragged as I tried to recover before more demons inevitably appeared.

“Quickly, before more come through!” An unfamiliar voice called out. I jerked my head upwards to see the mage, a city elf, charging me. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards the rift. I had no breath with which to protest; my legs propelled me forwards if only to keep from stumbling to the ground.

The rift was nearly close enough to touch now, and for an instant I feared the mage might try to toss me into it. Instead he thrust my hand forward, pushing the mark on my palm towards the rift. The rift sparked. From it snaked green tendrils of electricity, tendrils that wove themselves into the mark on my hand. 

For a moment we were connected, the rift and I. All the same, the connection felt alien. This mark may have been on my hand, but it was not me. I strained to push my palm against the rift. It felt like closing a door, a very heavy, sluggish door. With a final burst and a loud crack the rift disappeared without a trace.

I jerked my hand away and clutched it to my chest.

“What did you do?!?” My eyes were wide with shock as I addressed the mage. If he had known that the mark would close the Breach, surely he could explain what it was... or perhaps how I’d come to possess it. 

I briefly looked down to my hand, ever so slowly peeling it away from my torso. The mark on my palm was still there, still pulsing faintly with energy kin to the Breach. 

“I did nothing. The credit is yours.” The mage replied simply, flippantly, as if he had simply been a bystander. 

“Clearly you had some idea that this would affect the rift, otherwise you would not have taken me by the hand.”

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake. And it seems I was correct.”

“Meaning the mark could close the Breach itself.” The Seeker interjected as I stood quietly, trying to process everything.

“Possibly. It seems she holds the key to our salvation.”

The key to our salvation? Gods, this was a lot to take in. I turned to look up at the Breach once more. They expected me to close it? My worrying was interrupted by the voice of the dwarf. 

“Good to know. Here I thought we’d be ass deep in demons forever.” Any manners I had learned as a child were forgotten. I stared at the dwarf. I couldn’t help myself. I’d never actually seen dwarf in the flesh before, let alone conversed with one. He introduced himself as Varric Tethras. 

“Are you with the Chantry...or?” I asked, trying to piece together what I could from what I knew. I’d thought it seemed like a perfectly logical assumption at the time. 

“Was that a serious question?” The mage laughed. I took offense. My grip tightened on my staff and I stood a little taller. It was obvious that he was a City Elf, the lack of vallaslin made that immediately clear.

“It may not have seemed like a serious question to you, but we Dalish don’t encounter many dwarves.” I was more than willing to declare my ignorance, but I had no tolerance for those who would make fun of it. Fortunately Varric looked past our snarking and answered my original question.

“Technically I’m a prisoner. Just like you.” Varric seemed surprisingly upbeat about it. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things he was right to be so cheery. Being a prisoner was hardly a concern when there was a huge wound looming in the sky above us. 

“I am Suledin, of clan Lavellan. It’s good to meet you Varric.”

“You may reconsider that stance in time.” The mage added. I cast him another look, somewhere between curiosity and suspicion. I wasn’t quite sure if he was taking a dig at me or not, but I held my tongue so as to not appear foolish.

“Awww, I’m sure we’ll become great friends in the valley, Chuckles.” Varric pulled a cloth out of his pocket and went about wiping the demonic ichor off of his crossbow. 

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live.” 

I responded with a simple nod out of courtesy. 

“He means, I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.” Varric added. This new information gave me pause. Perhaps I had passed judgement too hastily.

“Oh...thank you Solas.” Even if I wasn’t sure quite what to make of him, the mage at least deserved my thanks. “You seem to know a great deal about it all...” 

“Like you, Solas is an apostate.” Said the Seeker. 

“An apostate? I thought Templars took City Elves to a Circle when their magic manifested.” I looked to Solas for an explanation.

“Technically all mages are now apostates, but I am neither Dalish nor City Elf. My travels have allowed me to learn much of the fade. Far beyond the experience of any circle mage. I came to offer whatever help I could give with the Breach. If it is not closed we are all doomed regardless of origin.” 

Regardless of whether or not he had been mocking me earlier, he now had my curiosity.

“And what will you do once this is all over?”

“Ones hopes those in power who remember who helped and who did not. Cassandra, you should know the magic here is unlike anything I have ever seen. Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power.” I looked to the Seeker as she was clearly the one in power. It was she who would control my fate as a prisoner. 

“Understood.” The Seeker- Cassandra replied sharply. Swirling in the sky above us, the Breach strained to expand again, causing the mark on my hand to grow with it. “We must get to the forward camp quickly! Move!” Cassandra shouted, charging off down the hillside with Solas in tow.

“Well, Bianca’s excited…” 

I waited for Varric to tuck his ichor covered rag into a pocket before charging off after the rest of our party.


	2. Checkmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Solas teaches Lavellan how to play chess. I figure she didn't get good enough to beat Cullen by herself :)
> 
> I wasn't quite sure what to think of Solas at the beginning of the game. He was hilarious, but I was never quite sure if he was insulting me. In retrospect I think he was just trying to find out what sort of person the Inquisitor was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suledin- to endure, strength to withstand loss (also happens to be my Inquisitor's name)  
> Enasal- joy in triumph over loss, victory

Our battle against the Breach and its pride demon had been hard fought and narrowly won. It was clear that though we had stabilized the Breach, we would require more power to close it completely. In order to do so we would need allies. 

The humans were already billing themselves as the Inquisition...some ancient order important to their Chantry. I didn’t quite understand how it all fit together, but then again I didn’t need to. Cassandra wielded the power of the Inquisition, I was just along for the ride. My work would be done once the Breach was sealed.

I woke the next morning in an unfamiliar bed. Still groggy from sleep I opened the door to my small cottage. A crowd of people thronged the streets of Haven. One look at them and I felt my stomach drop. I assumed they still thought me responsible for the explosion at the conclave. They would surely harass me, if not for the conclave then for being a savage Dalish. Or at the very least, for being a mage. I inhaled deeply, steeling myself for the inevitable harassment that was to follow. 

I was surprised then, amazed even when as I stepped out of the cabin they grew silent. The crowd parted in front of me as the snow crunched beneath my feet. As I moved through the crowd I overheard their whispers. They praised me for stabilizing the breach, celebrated me as the Herald of Andraste. 

The Herald of Andraste.

But how could I be a Herald of Andraste? I was Dalish. Even if Andraste were real, what could she possibly want with me?

The whispers followed me as I walked through the town and as I entered the Chantry. My steps echoed against the stone as I walked the length of the building. All eyes were on me, it seemed. It was unnerving to say the least.

In the room at the rear of the Chantry I found Cassandra along with Commander Cullen. The others were strangers, introduced to me as Lady Josephine and Sister Leliana. Their roles in the Inquisition were briefly explained to me, though I saw little point in it all. I was there to close the Breach, nothing more.

The meeting lasted the better part of the morning, edging into afternoon. The humans argued over whether it would be wiser to approach the Rebel Mages or the Templars for help. In the end it was decided that neither group would have an audience with us until we proved ourselves as more than an upstart.

It was decided then that we would leave for the Hinterlands first thing in the morning. There we would find a woman by the name of Mother Giselle. I didn’t know who she was, but Leliana seemed to think that she would be of assistance.

I stepped out of the Chantry, arms crossed over my chest as I braced myself against the bitterly cold wind. Despite being free of my old jail cell, the town of Haven still felt like a prison. I felt uncomfortable surrounded by a palisade, by human buildings, and townsfolk who watched my every move. I was trapped here by necessity, at least until the Breach was closed.

A sudden and intense feeling of homesickness washed over me. I had no friends in Haven, only strangers who looked to me as a hero. They sought guidance where I had none. I needed someone to talk to: a friend, an equal, a companion. I needed my lethallin. A pity then that there were no other Dalish in Haven. 

I had resigned myself to spending the rest of the day alone when I remembered that I did have some kin among the folk of Haven.

And so left in search of Solas.

I found him standing barefoot outside of a small house near the Apothecary. 

“The chosen of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all.” He said as I approached. I felt an edge to his words as I had the day before, but was unsure of whether or not it was meant to be an insult.

“I didn’t ask for this, but someone has to find a way to seal the Breach. Might as well be me.” I shrugged. 

“Spoken nobly indeed.” Once more I found myself unsure of his tone. Had I done something to cause offense without realizing it? Had I done something that, in his eyes, made me deserving of his derision? He seemed to recognize my doubt, and to his credit, addressed it.

“You think I’m mocking you. This age has made people cynical...I’ve journeyed deep into the fade in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I’ve watched as hosts of spirits clash to reenact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten. Every great war has its heroes. I’m just curious what kind you’ll be.” Had the bitterly cold wind not been diverting my attention, I could have lost myself in the sound of his voice. There was a rhythm to his words, both soothing and captivating. I trusted that he was telling the truth and was put at ease.

“Me, a hero?” Thats how the townsfolk seemed to see me. The more I thought of the idea, the less I liked it. ”I don’t know, the kind who makes the world a better place? That seems like a decent goal.”

“It isn’t always that easy, but I wish you luck.”

“Ma serannas, Solas. I will need all the luck I can get.”

Just thinking of the road ahead of me made my head ache. First we needed to seek out support from the remains of the Chantry, then we had to recruit others to our cause. I was just a Dalish mage, not a diplomat. There was so much that needed to be done, and I hardly even knew where to start. I knew my advisors would help guide me, but they could only do so much. 

Another gust of wind swept through the town, cutting through my robes as if they were made of parchment. My shivering intensified, and my knuckles turned white as I gripped my arms more firmly. 

“I would like to get to know you better…” I started, glancing to the door behind him. 

“But?”

“But I find myself underdressed for the weather. Might we move inside?” 

“Yes. Of course.” He seemed almost surprised by the suggestion, as if standing outside in the bitter cold offered no discomfort whatsoever. 

Solas turned on his heel and led me inside. It was a modest little house, not unlike the one the townsfolk had provided me. The warmth from the hearth immediately took the edge off of my chill and I quickly shut the door to keep it from coming back. Solas directed me to a small table with chairs at either side. 

“Have a seat.” He gestured to the closest chair as he walked around to the other. I took a seat opposite him.

“Thank you.” I may have been Dalish, but I was not so savage as to forget my manners.

“You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here?” Solas asked, relaxing against the back of his chair.

My curiosity was piqued. He had mentioned before that he was neither Dalish nor City elf. Surely he must have an interesting explanation.

“What do you know of the Dalish?” I asked.

“I have wandered many roads in my time and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion.”

“What do you mean by “crossed paths”?”

“I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition. They are children acting out stories misheard and repeated wrongly a thousand times.” There it was again, that sardonic tone that had me on my guard earlier. This time there was no doubt in my mind that it was meant to be an insult. 

“Oh, but you know the truth, right?” My lips drew into a tight line, and sat up a little straighter in my chair.

“While they pass on stories, mangling details, I walk the fade. I have seen things they have not.” His condescending attitude was unimpressive. Had he truly no idea what the Dalish had been through? I knew better than to pick a fight though. If Solas knew anything about the mark on my hand it would have been a grave mistake to make an enemy of him.

“Ir abelas, hahren. If the Dalish have done you a disservice I would make that right. We were abandoned by our gods ages ago, left to our own devices and enslaved by the Tevinters. With so much lost to time and oppression we can not know the whole truth, but we try our best. What course would you set for the Dalish that is better than what they know now?” My eyes locked onto his and there was a fire in my voice, a refusal to accept that I deserved his ire. I could accept his dislike of the Dalish if he gave me a good reason for it. 

I was surprised then that Solas seemed to soften, sighing. “You’re right of course. The fault is mine, for expecting what the Dalish could never truly accomplish. Ir abelas, da’len. If I can offer any understanding, you have but to ask.” 

I relaxed back into my seat. I had half expected Solas to fight my observations. It was a pleasant surprise then to see that he could be persuaded by a good argument. 

“You said you walk the fade, that you have seen things the Dalish have not. What do you mean?” 

“My travels have allowed me to dream in many ancient ruins and battlefields. Any building strong enough to withstand the rigors of time has a history. Every battlefield is steeped in death. Both attract spirits. They press against the veil, weakening the barrier between our worlds. When I dream in such places, I go deep into the fade. I can find memories no other living being has ever seen.”

“That is...fascinating.” From the expression of surprise on Solas’s face it seemed he was not expecting me to react positively. The slightest smile seemed to tug at the corner of his mouth.“You fall asleep in the middle of ancient ruins isn’t that dangerous?” 

“I do set wards. And if you leave food out for the giant spiders, they are usually content to live and let live.” His smile widened. 

“I’ve never heard of anyone going so far into the fade. That’s extraordinary.”

“Thank you. It is not a common field of study for obvious reasons, not so flashy as throwing fire or lightning. The thrill of finding remnants of a thousand year old dream? I would not trade it for anything.” 

I couldn’t begin to understand the things he had seen, but a curiosity began to burn inside of me. “I imagine you find some amazing things.”

“Yes. It is occasionally dangerous, yes, but more often it’s just sad to see what has been lost.”

“Would you show me?” I asked, sounding more enthusiastic than I had intended. “I would like to learn, or at least to understand. There is little I can do to make up for the Dalish who attacked you, but I could listen where they did not.”

Solas remained quiet for a moment as if taking something into consideration.“Perhaps once the Breach has been sealed and our work is done, yes.” 

“I look forward to it.” 

I could imagine a thousand questions to ask him about his dreams, about the fade. The fade was hardly foreign to me, I was a mage, but I had never put much thought into it.

“Tell me Herald, have you ever played chess?” The change of topic surprised me, but I saw no reason not to entertain Solas’s question.

“Chess? Yes. I would call myself competent, but by no means skilled.”

“If you have time then, perhaps you would like to play. You might appreciate the distraction.”

I had sought Solas out for companionship that I didn’t think I could find amongst the humans. That he didn’t want to usher me out meant more than he could know. “I would, thank you.”

Solas stood and walked towards the hearth and collected a checkered, wooden box from the mantle. There was something in the way he walked, a confident swagger that caught my eye. Returning to the table he opened the box to reveal the chess pieces. The box itself, when opened completely, turned into the board. Together Solas and I set up the pieces in preparation of our first game.

“Will you go easy on me?” I laughed. I did not doubt that Solas would beat me soundly, anyone with an ounce of skill could have beaten me. My knowledge of chess was limited to knowing how each piece moved and that protecting the king was paramount.

“No, but I will teach you. If you are a quick learner, you won’t need me to go easy on you.” There was a hint of playfulness to his voice, but he was otherwise cool as always. 

We each took several turns in succession. I put little thought into my moves, choosing to move my pawns out so that I might free my more powerful pieces. 

A quick glance up to Solas told me that he did not approve, though I didn’t understand why. “Why did you move that pawn?” He asked, steepling his fingers as he looked from the board to make eye contact with me. Something in his gaze concerned me. He was judging me.

“I don’t know.” I faltered. “ I had to move something. At least I might free my other pieces this way.” I pointed down to the board where my mages and rooks were trapped behind my pawns.

“You should not underestimate the strength of a pawn da’len; they determine the strengths and weaknesses of the board. Do not move your pieces without a plan in mind. Even a bad plan is better than no plan at all.”

I nodded and took his advice into consideration. The pace of the game slowed nearly to a crawl as I began taking the time to consider how my moves might affect the game. If Solas was bothered by my sluggishness, he showed no sign of it.

Our first game was soon over with Solas the clear winner. I was not ready to give up though, and we reset the board for another round.

“Your name is Suledin, an interesting choice.” Solas said as he played his first piece.

“It was given to me by my father. My mother died in childbirth. It was I who reminded him that he must endure.” 

My clan felt like such a distant memory now, so far from my grasp. When Keeper Deshana sent me to the conclave was sure that in time I would return to my clan. Things were different now, and I was not so sure anymore.

“And did he succeed? Did he endure?”

“Yes. ” In spite of the personal turn of conversation, I focused solely on the board in front of me. Solas had laid a trap for my queen. I nearly missed it, but I didn’t take the bait. 

“Perhaps he should have named you Enasal instead.”

I considered the board for a moment and moved my knight. It was no immediate victory, but I had a plan now. In a couple turns its position would be critical to my success. “Perhaps, but the time for choosing my name has passed. There is no undoing it.”

“No there is not.” Solas moved his mage. “Checkmate.” In trying to avoid the trap that he had obviously set, I had missed another. Solas more cunning than I had realized, or at the very least he had played a lot of chess.

“Well played. Again?” I asked, plucking my pieces off of the table and resetting the board. 

I lost track of how much time I spent sitting in that chair opposite Solas. We played game after game, conversed about the Dalish, City Elves, and ancient Elvhen alike. He told me stories of the fade, of Elvhenen and Arlathan. I shared stories of my own as well, but they paled in comparison.

As it turned out, despite his sometimes self-righteous attitude, I enjoyed his company very much.

“You are learning quickly da’len.” Solas praised me as he scooped up the chess pieces and placed them back into their box. 

“My hahren has taught me well.” The smile on his face was returned in kind. “We leave for the Hinterlands in the morning, but when we return I would enjoy another game.”

“As would I.” Solas closed the box and returned it to the mantle above the hearth. “I will stay then, at least until the Breach has been closed.”

I stood, stretching my legs before stepping towards him. “Was that in doubt?” That Solas might leave, that I might once again be alone amongst a sea of shemlen sent a jolt of panic coursing through me. I wasn’t ready to be on my own.

“I am an apostate mage surrounded by Chantry forces. And unlike you, I do not have a divine mark protecting me. Cassandra has been accommodating, but you understand my caution.” I could not deny that he had a point. 

I reached out to take his hand in a show of solidarity. He seemed surprised, but did not pull away.“You came here to help, Solas. I won’t let them use that against you.”

“How would you stop them.” There was a pessimism in his voice that I did not know how to counter. 

“However I had to.”

I already had the burden of the entire village of Haven and the Inquisition riding on my shoulders, I could make a little room for a hedge mage. I gave his hand a little squeeze before letting go.

“Thank you.” There was a subtle change in his eyes, surprise perhaps. “For now lets us hope either the mages or the templars have the power to seal the Breach.”

“Yes, let us hope. Good evening Solas.” I offered him one final smile as I departed.


	3. The Shadow Goddess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was super disappointed that Solas only told stories and never actually took Lavellan on any Fade-field trips (aside from Fade-tongue that is). I'm still not sure how much of it Solas discovered in the Fade and how much he actually experienced as a 1000+ year old Elvhen. I figured if he had actually experienced these things, he'd still be able to recreate them in the Fade soooo yeah, this is going into slightly non-canon territory now.
> 
> Also, since my Lavellan is a mage, she'd totally recognize the Fade when she saw it. Solas however...as far as she knows, he's just a spirit of some sort. Just an innocent, friendly spirit who's doing an incredibly good impression of our favorite apostate hobo.

My time with Solas had flown by. The last sliver of sun had disappeared over the horizon casting brilliant shades of pink and orange across the sky. The streets were nearly empty. Most of Haven had either turned in for the night or headed to the tavern for drinks. 

I walked down the snow covered stairs and headed left at the fork in front of the tavern. We would be traveling to the Hinterlands first thing in the morning, a good night’s sleep was of the utmost importance. The warmth and comfort of my bed beckoned, and I had to admit that the solitude of my cabin appealed to me as well. 

I was nearly past the tavern when a voice called out to me.

“Herald!” It was Varric, standing in the doorway with a flagon of ale in hand. “Come on in, have a drink. It’s on me.” 

I could hardly deny him. He had a warmth to him that seemed to ease the looming awareness of my burdens. I changed course for the tavern. 

No sooner had my boot struck the wooden floor than a drink was thrust into my hand. Varric lead me to a table at the edge of the room. 

“How was your first fully-conscious day in Haven?”

Varric and I both pulled out our respective chairs and sat down. 

“It was…” I sipped at my drink as I searched for the words. “A bit overwhelming. I don’t know if Cassandra has told you yet, but we’re headed to the Hinterlands tomorrow. Something about a Chantry Mother...so make sure you don’t drink too much. We’ll need you and Bianca at your best.”

Varric barked a laugh. “Don’t worry about us Herald, we’ll be ready.”

“Good.” I took a moment to pause and look around the tavern. It was packed with townsfolk. Considering all that had happened in the past few days: the conclave, the demons, the breach...I had expected the mood to be more dour. It was not so! Morale was apparently high in the town of Haven. 

Even if I did not feel at home surrounded by humans, I could at least appreciate their resolve.  
I finished my first drink, indulged in a second, and declined a third. Though the tavern was still humming with activity, I decided to take my leave. I said my goodbyes to Varric and Flissa and returned to my cabin. 

The warmth of my cabin might have felt smothering had I not been so delightfully relaxed by the drinks. Even still I stripped down to my underclothes to keep from overheating. I climbed into bed and threw the heavier woolen blankets to the floor. Leaving only a small space for fresh air, I cocooned myself in the remaining sheets. Sleep found me quickly and for the first time since the Conclave I entered the fade in my dreams.

The Fade felt clearer now, sharper. Was it like that before the mark? Had I always had such clarity in my dreams? I couldn’t remember anymore. It felt like I had known the Fade like this my entire life, but at the same time it didn’t. 

The Free Marches materialized around me, or more specifically one of the many campsites at the edges of the Free Marches my clan had inhabited. Everyone was there as I remembered, seated around the campfire as the Keeper told her stories. It was a Keeper’s job to preserve the history of the Dalish, to protect us, and to assure that never again would we submit. 

Deshana shared the history of our people, told us of the creators and their betrayal at the hands of Fen’harel. She told us of how the Dread Wolf betrayed Mythal, murdering her before sealing the rest of the pantheon away for eternity.

As she spoke a thought crept into my mind, a memory of something Solas had said earlier. 

“They pass on stories, mangling details, I walk the fade. I have seen things they have not. They are children acting out stories misheard and repeated wrongly a thousand times.”

I wondered what Solas would make of this. He probably didn’t even think the creators existed.

The Fade was a curious thing, it was tricky. It was shaped by memories and emotions. Those with enough power and conviction could shape it to their will. Others were weak, tempted by demons and swept away.

I had enough focus that I had shaped the fade into a memory of my clan, but now there was something out of place. Something here didn’t belong.

I turned to look over my shoulder and found the source of my unease. 

It was Solas standing in the shadows, barely illuminated by the firelight. Well, it couldn’t actually be Solas of course. Rather, it must have been a spirit taking his form. Whether friendly or hostile I didn’t yet know.

“What are you doing here.” I asked cautiously. Demons were nothing if not clever and I would not allow myself to be charmed by one.

“You called for me, and I was curious.” Funny. I didn’t remember calling for him, though I had been thinking of him.

“Curious about what?”

“Curious about you, and your clan. I thought perhaps clan Lavellan might be different, but it appears ignorance is the common thread that bind all Dalish together.” The spirit really was a great imitation. If I hadn’t known better, I might have mistaken it for the real Solas.

“You would ridicule my clan- ridicule me for my ignorance? You would rather mock us for not knowing than help us to understand?” I took a deep breath and tried to remember that this wasn’t actually Solas. It was just a spirit and I could hardly be angry with it for mirroring my memories.

“It is not ignorance that distresses me, it is willful ignorance. I could tell them the truth, but how many Dalish would listen? They already consider themselves perfect, the sole keepers of Elven lore. I might reach a few, at most.” The exasperation in his voice pulled at me in a way I couldn’t explain. It made me uncomfortable. Perhaps he was right. 

“A few is better than none. I would listen.”

“You are right. That is more than I reach doing nothing. Come then, if you would like to learn.” I had not thought to question him until he asked me to join him. If there was one thing Keeper Deshana had taught me about the Fade, it was that one must only trust oneself. 

“How do I know I can trust you.” I stood fast, refusing to leave the safety of the dream I had crafted.

“Were I a demon wishing to possess you, I would demand a price for my knowledge. What I have I offer freely.”

It seemed like a reasonable argument. At the very least I could hear him out. “Okay then. Lead the way.”  
I followed several paces behind the spirit. My clan’s campsite slowly faded away and I found myself somewhere else entirely. I didn’t know if we had traveled some great distance or if the spirit had manipulated the fade, but whatever it was, I was impressed. Trees and fields gave way to stone and snow and sky. We stood knee deep in the snow of a windy mountain pass. 

The spirit- Solas walked on without looking back to see if I followed. Through the flurry of snow I saw dozens...hundreds of people clad in hide and fur trudging through the snow. Men, women, and children. From the looks of it they were burdened with everything they owned. Solas stopped walking and I stepped up beside him.

“How much do you know of Ferelden history?” He asked

“Very little.”

“Legend says that Ferelden was founded when the Alamarri people crossed the Frostback Mountains to escape a beast they called the Shadow Goddess.” 

These were the Frostbacks, or at least some approximation of them. Solas began walking once again and I jumped to follow him, wondering what point he could possibly be trying to make. The Fade changed again. This time the snow covered mountainside opened up into a vast, flat tundra. There were no trees, no mountains, nothing for what seemed to be miles and miles in all directions. My eyes scanned the horizon and saw only one thing.

It was a spirit, a woman. She wept and wailed in some language I could not comprehend, but the depths of her despair crossed any barriers erected by vocabulary. 

“This is the spirit the Alamarri fled. She walks here along the southern Tundra, weeping, lonely, and forgotten. Great Ferelden formed because a lonely spirit drove her prey away.”

“Could we help her find peace?” I couldn’t even begin to know how to help a spirit that was dwelling in the Fade, but I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. 

“No. It is not for us to interfere, but it matters that you asked. Few see spirits as anything other than a danger. They have much to offer those who come to the Fade with minds open and free of prejudice.” 

“How do we know if what we’re seeing is real, was real.” The Alamarri thought of this Shadow Goddess as a monster. Solas, or whatever sort of spirit this was, seemed to think she was simply lonely. I didn’t know what to make of it..

“It is the Fade, it is all real. But the Fade reflects and is limited by our imaginations. It is a matter of perspective…”

Suddenly something seemed to click. I turned to look to Solas. I understood. “What one man sees as a fearsome beast is a lonely spirit to another.” 

He turned to me and smiled, pleased by my conclusion, but something was off. Though there was a smile at the corners of his mouth, his eyes betrayed his true feelings. There was a sadness in him I did not understand.

“The Dalish and The Alamarri are not so different.”

“What were the Dalish wrong about?” There was something there, some point he was trying to make but it lay just out of my grasp.

“Everything.” The heat in his single word was tangible and it left me flustered.

In an instant the Fade melted away and I found myself cocooned in my sheets once more. The first light of morning was streaming in through the window of my cabin and the once roaring fire had been reduced to a few smoldering ashes. I clung to my dream, trying to remember all the details before they faded.

I reluctantly climbed out of bed and dressed myself in the clean clothes and armor the Inquisition had scrounged up for me. To my surprise my memories of the dream didn’t fade. It was all so sharp, so real. And that Solas was there...I still hadn’t figured that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get Solas's disapproval high enough as a Dalish, you can have a conversation with him about how he's tired of fighting. It's so sad, I just want to hug him.


	4. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because who hasn't accidentally chain-lightning'd nugs?
> 
> This chapter is inspired by all the times I tried to leap the fences in the hinterlands and failed.

Our first trip to the Hinterlands had not been unproductive. Our talk with Mother Giselle prompted us to trek to Val Royeaux and back again. The weeks of constant travel involved had done a number on us all, myself included. We were fortunate that the Inquisition had been able to scrounge up a few horses for us, though they were neither well trained nor well conditioned. In the end it felt as if I had spent more time walking than riding. I still regret not seeking out Horsemaster Dennet before we departed the Hinterlands.

We had at least been fortunate to acquire help during our travels. First Enchanter Vivienne had joined us in Val Royeaux, as had Sera. I can’t say I cared for either of them, but I couldn’t in good conscience turn down help. 

Leliana found us our third new companion while investigating the disappearance of the Grey Wardens, a man by the name of Blackwall. We found him in the Hinterlands training peasants to defend themselves against bandits. He seemed like an honorable man, and with skills that would most certainly benefit the Inquisition. I proposed he join us. 

For the first time since joining the Inquisition Cassandra chose not to come with us. I brought Blackwall instead. He proved to be every bit as useful as I had expected. Together he, Varric, Solas and I were able to clear out the Templar encampment in the Hinterlands. I felt gratified at having dealt with the threat, but our work was far from done. Next on the agenda was clearing out the Rebel Mage camp. 

We descended the path from the upper lake camp and travelled north for some time, fighting the occasional mage or group of bandits. United, no enemy could stand in the way of us four. 

I found a confidence in myself I hadn’t known before, and I was able to relax myself in combat. My movements with my staff became less rigid, less panicked, and more fluid. I wove my magic through my opponents, chaining lightning between them as if it were as easy as skipping rocks across a pond.

This newfound confidence also allowed me to better watch and understand my companions. Blackwall was stalwart, nearly immovable, and had a fierce determination in him that I had never seen before. Varric was tricky, trapping and crippling our enemies before they even had a chance to strike.

And then there was Solas. I watched him most intently of my companions. All mages worked magic, but Solas...Solas was an artist. There was nothing coarse or flashy about his spells, they were natural and subtle and strong. Neither Blackwall nor Varric could appreciate the understated elegance of him, but I could. 

Our eyes met as he caught me staring. If it bothered him I wouldn’t have known, he said nothing. I couldn’t help myself. He had a natural talent that fascinated me. I found myself wondering if I might be able to convince him to teach me more than just chess. 

We continued our travel, crossing field after field until we came to a long stretch of fence. At one time the field had contained something, druffalo or horses probably, but now a tall wooden-rail fence was all that remained. Remarkably, in spite of the Templars, Mages, and bandits the fence was intact and sturdy. It stretched out a good ways in both directions. We could have chosen to walk around it, but there was no telling how long it would have taken. I wanted clear out the Rebel Mages and return to camp before nightfall...

“It will be quicker to just to go over it.” I suggested. It was a simple wooden rail fence, there was nothing particularly dangerous about it. In fact, with so many sturdy rails it ought to be easy to scale. 

Without a word, Solas went first. He strode forward confidently, planted his hand on the fence, and vaulted over it with an ease I had not expected. One look at Varric and Blackwall told me that they were even more impressed than I. 

“Showoff.” Blackwall barked a laugh.

“Damn Chuckles, I didn’t know you had it in you.” Varric joined in Blackwall’s laughter. 

“Elves are known for their grace, are they not?” There was a sly smugness in Solas’s voice as he turned to watch the rest of us. I felt his eyes on me, judging...always judging.

“More graceful than Dwarves anyways.” Varric holstered Bianca and carefully scaled the fence. After a moment he had made it over, leaving Blackwall and I on the other side of the fence.

“Ladies first.” Blackwall gestured towards the fence. Some might have been offended by his chivalry, but I didn’t care. Going third or last made no difference to me.

Vaulting the fence seemed like the easiest and fastest way to get to the other side. I knew I was perfectly capable of it. 

Like Solas had done earlier I gripped the top rail of the fence and tried to leap over it. But something didn’t go according to plan. My foot, or staff, or something clipped one of the rails of the fence and I found myself tumbling to the ground. I landed with a thud and a wheeze, flat on my back at Blackwall’s feet. 

“You alright Herald?” I saw Varric peering through the fence out of the corner of my eye. 

“It appears we both stand corrected Master Tethras.” Solas quipped.

I sat up, pushed a few stray hairs out of my eyes, and then looked over to Solas. I half expected him to still have a smug grin plastered on his face, but the only emotion I could read in his eyes was amusement. He was trying to hide it out of courtesy perhaps, but it was there nonetheless. 

“That was just for practice.” My exasperated sigh shifted to laughter as I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked. Blackwall helped me to my feet. I took a moment to wipe the dirt and dried grass from my pants and checked my staff to be sure it hadn’t been damaged by the fall. 

This time I was more careful when I tried to clear the fence. I might have even overdone it, vaulting the fence with as much finesse as Solas had earlier. 

When my feet were safely on the ground I looked back to Blackwall. He wasn’t where I’d left him. Rather than trying to climb the fence in his heavy armor, he had started pulling several railings out and was in the process of casually stepping through the fence. Perhaps that would have been the most sensible way to handle it, but it was too late for that now.

Once through, Blackwall replaced the railings and we continued on our way. 

We continued travelling, eventually nearing camp of the rebel mages. There was no mistaking it for anything else. Spires of ice pierced the forest floor, magical runes and mines lay in the underbrush for anyone too careless to avoid them. We closed in on the camp slowly, methodically. 

Blackwall pulled out his sword and shield, Varric un-holstered Bianca and grabbed a handful of caltrops. Solas and I pulled out our staves. 

There was a barrier ahead blocking our path. I looked to Solas and we shared a silent understanding. Together we raised our staves and attacked the barrier, bringing it down in seconds. The sound of our magics alerted the mages. The battle had begun. 

We pushed our way through the tunnel, spells flying back and forth. I could hear the ratcheting of Bianca and the metallic thunk of spells bouncing off of Blackwall’s shield. I swept my hand out in front of myself casting a barrier on myself and my companions before choosing one of the mages as my target.

These were no simple bandits. These were rebel mages, circle trained no doubt. This fight was going to be harder than usual, but my newfound confidence led me to underestimate my enemy.

I was so singularly focused on my target that I didn’t realize I’d left myself vulnerable. The strength of my enemies’ attacks had weakened my barrier and it dissipated. I would cast another in time, but I chose to finish off my target instead. It was unfortunate that my target was not the only one targeting me.

I remember the taste of a metallic tang in the air, the feeling of static on my skin and in my hair, and a low rumble above me. Then there was a blinding light in my eyes. 

Lightning.

My body crumpled and I fell to the ground. For the briefest moment I was able to hear my surroundings but was completely unable to respond. I was slipping away.

“No! Hold on!” The sound of Solas’s frantic voice was the last thing I remembered.

I woke some time later to Solas kneeling over me. From the looks of it the battle was still ongoing. With one hand he cast a barrier and with the other he held a healing potion to my lips. I was only just able to swallow as I felt the pungent liquid at the back of my throat. It did not cure me of my injuries or put me back on my feet, but it kept me from dying and that was enough. 

Satisfied that I was out of immediate danger, Solas leapt to his feet. His barrier still surrounded us. Unlike the barrier I had cast earlier, his was not so easily extinguished, a trick he’d have to teach me later. Across the battlefield he manipulated the fade to pull the few remaining mages together and then unleashed a storm of fire as powerful as anything I’d ever seen. The rebel mages hadn’t stood a chance.

The storm died and camp fell silent aside from the faint rustling of the trees in the evening breeze.

“Remind me never to get on your bad side.” I heard Varric say.

My head was throbbing and I wanted nothing more than to sleep, but I was conscious. I closed my eyes only for a moment, or at least I’d thought it had only been a moment, and opened them again to see Solas, Blackwall, and Varric crouching above me.

“Is she alive?” Blackwall asked, prodding me with the toe of his boot. I heard a buzz and felt a tiny snap of electricity at the point of contact but thought nothing of it.

“Yes, she will be fine in time.” Solas seemed sure of himself and I was happy to take his word for it. This wasn’t how I wanted to die.

Blackwall was the first to offer me his hand. Creators knew I’d need all the help I could get, I was still numb from the lightning. I reached up to grasp his vambrace and in doing so sent electricity arcing from myself through Blackwall.

“Andraste’s flaming knickers!” Blackwall shouted. I didn’t realize such a high pitched shriek could come from such a burly looking man. 

My eyes widened and I stumbled over myself to give an apology. “I’m s...sorry, I don’t know wha…” My tongue felt thick and clumsy in my mouth and my words stuck in my throat.

“Residual effects of the lightning.” Solas answered my unasked question with his usual confidence. “Sometimes spells can leave a residue, it will disappear in time or with the usage of her mana. Until then we would be wise not to touch her.” He stood but did not step away.

I was on my own for now, so I sat up slowly. My whole body felt numb and tingly at the same time. It was not unlike regaining the feeling in a limb after having circulation cut off...except it was happening everywhere all at once.

I held up my hand and flexed my fingers. Tiny sparks arced between my fingertips. I reached up to feel my hair, also alive with static. After taking a moment to inventory all my limbs, I tried to climb to my feet. Something wasn’t right. My legs refused to obey my commands.

“I have to do what?” Solas had said something about it disappearing...

“Either wait for it to pass, though that could take as long as an hour, or you could expend some of your mana. Cast a spell, something electric would work best. It will get it out of your system, so to speak.”

“You know, I’m thinking it might not be such a good idea to be standing right next to Sparky here.” I could tell Varric was amused, but also worried for his own safety.

“Agreed.” Blackwall added, backing away several paces with Varric. Solas stayed by my side, though he was careful not to get too close.

I reached out to grab my fallen staff and planted it against the ground. It gave me the leverage and stability I needed to pull myself to my feet. I felt as wobbly as a newborn foal, but at least I was standing.

Expend my mana, Solas had said. I could feel the spell sticking inside of me, like a tickle in my throat that I couldn’t clear...itch I couldn’t quite scratch. 

I focused on a tree ahead of me, it would make as good a target as any. Purple light arced between my fingers, snapping and buzzing with all the rage and fury of the storm that was building inside of me. It spread along the lengths of my fingers, up to my palm, and past my wrist until my whole arm was engulfed by a cage of lightning.

I looked to Solas for guidance. He nodded, encouraging me with the slightest of smiles. A quick glance back at Blackwall and Varric showed them torn between awe and fear.

I poured as much of my mana into the spell as I could until I could hold it no longer. I was surprised to find it made me slightly nauseous. With an ease that came from years of practicing I channeled the lightning through my staff. In an instant the purple light in my palm and staff disappeared, but a rumble over the tree showed that it had only moved. A bolt of lightning, powerful and pure struck the tree. Bark and pine needles alike splintered off, flying in all directions.

I was too spent and too slow to throw up a barrier, but Solas was prepared. With a casual flick of his wrist he threw up a barrier large enough to protect the four of us from the debris. 

The lightning lingered above the tree for a moment, striking again and then arcing to some unseen point further away. I heard the sharp squeal of a nug and then silence.

“Feeling better?” Solas offered me his arm. The numbness was gone, replaced only by the feeling of weakness in my muscles.

“I think...I think I just killed a nug.” I craned my neck to look for the carnage but saw nothing in the fading light. I leaned heavily on Solas’s arm and my own staff to support my exhausted muscles. 

His tunic was softer than it looked, and he smelled of Elfroot and Spindleweed. It was a struggle not to give into the temptation to rub my face against his sleeve, but that would have been inappropriate to say the least. 

“Another unfortunate casualty in the war between mages and templars. Come, let us return to camp. We will press on to Redcliffe tomorrow.” 

Blackwall and Varric chose to walk ahead, scouting for any stray mages that might stand in our way. Solas stayed by my side and we fell back behind our companions. I was hobbled and slowed by my lack of mana and the weakness in my muscles, but with each passing moment my strength returned. 

“What would have happened if I’d died back there.” I found myself wondering aloud.

“A number of things could have happened, what is important is that you still live.” 

“I know but...the mark. If I died, would it just disappear? Would it tear another hole in the veil?” I would have checked the condition of my mark then had not been gripping my staff so tightly. 

“I don’t know, but it would probably be for the best if you tried to live.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurd simplicity of the statement. It seemed Solas’s sense of humor was just as subtle as the rest of him.

“Mmmmm, so by the process of elimination, trying to die is the second best option.” I offered, humming with amusement.

“So it would seem.” Solas joined in my laughter. I felt at ease with him, at least moreso than anyone else in the Inquisition. At first I had been drawn to him for our shared blood, but there was more to it now. I appreciated him for his personality, not in spite of it.

We continued to walk together, me still leaning on his arm even though I probably could have walked on my own. I had no reason for relying on him other than it was a comfort, it had been a very long time since I had last touched anyone.  
As the light from our campsite appeared off in the distance I realized that I hadn’t properly thanked Solas for coming to my aid.

“Thank you Solas, for saving my life I mean. I am happy to have your help, and your friendship.”

“My friendship?” He turned to me with a quizzical look. I wasn’t sure if I had offended him or if he was setting me up for another joke...or maybe he just wasn’t used to having friends. He was an apostate.

I stopped walking, forcing Solas to stop beside me.

“Would you not have me as your friend?” I searched his expression for some explanation, but found nothing conclusive. “...or perhaps something more.” It was a gentle tease, a prod for more information, and something that I could easily brush off as insincere should he have taken offense. 

Any curiosity in his expression faded and he grew somber. There was a sadness in his eyes, the same sadness I remembered from the spirit I had met in the Fade...but I had no time to dwell on the coincidence as Solas began to speak. 

“My friendship is yours if you wish, and I will teach you what I can. Beyond that I have little to offer you.” I wondered what exactly he meant by it, but I didn’t feel that now was the time to pry..

“Suit yourself.” My strength had returned in full and camp was not but fifty paces away. As much as I had found comfort in him, it seemed excessive now to use Solas as a crutch. I offered him a gentle smile, untangling our arms before striding forward at a quicker pace.

It might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I felt his fingers linger, brushing the length of my arm as I pulled away.


	5. Indomitable Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a particular conversation Varric and Blackwall have that, I find very relevant to Solas. 
> 
> My Lavellan was totally rocking Mythal vallaslin. In retrospect, I think it was a good choice. I like to think that Lavellan has a sense of duty to her people, but she's not the unstoppable freight-train that is Solas.
> 
> And of course, Lavellan and Solas getting their flirt on.
> 
> Made up Elven for the day:  
> Enera’nehn = Dream well  
> Sulemah’vir= Until tomorrow

By the time I made it into camp Blackwall and Varric had already stripped themselves of their armor and taken seats on the roughly hewn benches that encircled the campfire. Our agents in the camp had prepared a large pot of stew and began serving it just as I arrived. I sat down across from Blackwall, near Varric and accepted a bowl as it was handed to me. The stew was...well, I hoped it tasted better than it looked. Even by the flickering firelight it was obviously an unappetizing, uniform grey color. There looked to be some source of protein, and some kind of vegetable, but there was no telling for sure. It was all so grey. My manners all but forgotten, I wrinkled my nose.

“What uh...what is it?” I prodded the soupy mixture with my spoon.

“A traditional Ferelden lamb and pea stew, ser.” An agent cheerfully informed me.

“Is it supposed to be so...grey?” I asked with as much politesse as I could muster.

“Well...yes.”

“Right then. Thank you.” With a wave of my hand the agent returned to his duties.

I could hardly afford to be picky, especially with half of the population of the Hinterlands starving to death. Steeling myself, I brought a spoonful of the muck to my lips. Fortunately it didn’t taste as terrible as I had assumed. I ate quietly and without complaint. Solas arrived at camp soon after. He took a seat across from Varric and accepted a bowl of stew for his supper. 

“So Blackwall, let’s talk about your dark and troubled past.” Varric was the first to break the silence.

Blackwall hadn’t seemed particularly dark or troubled to me, but I had only just met him. If he was hiding something scandalous, I was completely unaware.

“Excuse me?” Even in the dim, uncertain light of the fire Blackwall’s discomfort was etched on his face. The tension was immediate and palpable. Perhaps Varric was onto something, but I said nothing. Blackwall had shown himself to be a valuable companion and I didn’t want to risk running him off. Instead I quietly sipped at my stew and listened.

“You have one, of course. Someone dear to you? Someone you failed to save? Or a grave error in judgement, causing too many deaths? I’ve known a couple people like that. Ooh, maybe betrayal! That’s always good.” If I hadn’t known any better I would have thought Varric was preparing to write another book.

My eyes shifted from Varric to Solas. I was curious what he would make of Blackwall’s irritation, but I saw nothing. He seemed completely absorbed in his stew and oblivious to the tension of the conversation.

“No.” Blackwall would give no ground.

Varric could hardly stand it. “You’ve got to give me something.” 

“No I don’t. This conversation is over. Goodnight.” Immovable on the battlefield and in conversation. Blackwall set his half eaten bowl of stew aside and returned to his tent without another word.

“Touchy.” Varric sighed. We sat in silence a moment longer until Varric couldn’t bear it. “How about you Herald? Is your past dark and troubled? Fraught with danger and loss?”

“Depends on your definition of fraught.” There were plenty of stories I could have told him, but not many I would want published. “We’ve had our share of troubles, same as any Dalish clan, but nothing mind-blowing.”

“You’ve gotta have something worth telling, everyone’s got a story to tell.”

“Well…” I looked up to the stars, sifting through my memories for a dark tale to tell. I found one, the details were fuzzy, but I did my best to retell the story. “Keeper Deshana once told us of a clan that had set up camp on the border of the Free Marches. The Lords of both territories claimed the land for his own and wanted the clan gone, but both refused to grant the clan safe passage. The clan was left with no choice but to stand their ground. In the end they were slaughtered by human troops. Over eighty men, women, and children were slaughtered, all because grown men were too proud to negotiate. The only survivor was a young girl who thought to hide in a pond. She survived by breathing through a reed until the massacre was over.”

“Shit. Seems like you Elves always end up with the short end of the stick.” 

“Life has not been kind to us, but it’s not always so bad. We got the occasional human trying to pick a fight, thinking they have something to prove, but for the most part we’re happy to keep to ourselves.” 

“Wait, that girl you mentioned, the lone survivor...That wasn’t you, was it?” Even as shadows danced across Varric’s face I could plainly see that he was suspicious of my story.

“Me? No. It happened long before I was born. If I had been there I would have died with the rest of them. I’m not clever enough to think to hide in a pond.”

“And here I was hoping you really did have a dark and troubled past.” Varric finished his stew, set his empty bowl aside, and stood to stretch. “Well, I’m turning in for the night. You two should get some sleep. We’ll be negotiating with the mages in the morning, and Blackwall and I can’t do it without you guys.” 

“Goodnight Master Tethras.” It was the first time I’d heard Solas speak since he returned to camp. I was beginning to learn that Solas didn’t often speak unless he had something relevant to add.

“Goodnight Varric.” I called out after Varric as he disappeared into his tent.

“I should turn in too.” I announced, standing up and setting my empty bowl aside just as Varric and Blackwall had before me.

Doffing armor was a pain in itself, but doffing armor inside of a tent was tantamount to torture. I removed my bracers and dropped them onto the bench. Next on the agenda were my boiled leather pauldrons. I wasn’t about to strip down to my underclothes in the middle of camp, but I had found my pauldrons to be a bit of a challenge. They had been scrounged up at the last minute and thus hadn’t been made to fit me. As such the buckles rested in an awkward place somewhere between the backs of my arms and my armpits, somewhere just out of my reach. 

I looked around for someone who might be able to help me, but the Inquisition agents had all retired to their tents. The only ones left, aside from a couple men stationed at the edge of camp, were Solas and I.

I knew if I tried to reach over my shoulder or under my armpits to grab for the buckles, I would just make a fool of myself. I could imagine how it would look; something like a dog chasing its tail. Instead I did the sensible thing and asked Solas for help.

“Solas?”

“Yes da’len?”

“Would you mind helping me with these pauldrons? They’re a bit tricky…”

“Of course.” 

I knew if I had asked anyone else they would have helped out of obligation. I found myself hoping that Solas chose to help me for reasons other than duty, but in truth he was the same as the rest of them. As he approached I lifted my arms away from my sides. 

“You wear the vallaslin of Mythal.” His expression matched his voice, cool and even as he slipped a hand beneath my arm to unfasten the first buckle. My eyes did not leave his the entire time, though he stayed focused on the pauldron. 

“I do.”

“Why her?”

“I am First to our Keeper. Someday it will fall upon me to lead the clan and to protect it. Mythal granted justice and protection to those who came to her with clear minds and open hearts, and I aspire to do the same.”

“You expect to return to your clan once the Breach is sealed?” Solas asked as he unfastened the second buckle. There was skepticism in his voice now, or perhaps it was mockery...it was so hard to read him sometimes.

“Well, yes. You find that odd?” I allowed my eyes the chance to wander. I followed the angles of his face downwards, past the slight cleft in his chin and further still to the jawbone necklace that rested against his chest.

“Odd that you should want to return to them? No. But your work may not be over with the closing of the Breach.” 

He was right. The Chantry was all but destroyed, and the Templars and Mages were at each other’s throats. Even after closing the breach, someone was going to have to step up and piece the world back together. Did it have to be me though? Why not someone else...Cassandra maybe. I grew silent and thought about my response. Solas pulled the first pauldron away from my shoulder and then moved to the second. 

“I’ll do what I must. The world is more important than my wants, but I still hold out hope that someday I will return to my clan. They are my people. My home is with them.” I steadied myself as I felt Solas tug at the buckle of my second pauldron.

“You have surprised me Herald. In truth I had not expected to find someone so thoughtful amongst the Dalish, and a capable mage too.” He was smiling now, a slight turn at the corner of his mouth, but I would not mistake it for anything else.

“I think you and I must have different definitions of capable, hahren.” I had, after all, just been struck by lightning and proceeded to accidentally kill a nug. 

“Must we? You have trained your will to control magic and withstand possession. I would call you more than capable. You have an indomitable focus that I find admirable.”

“Indomitable focus?” A loud laugh burst from my chest. What an absurd statement. 

“Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine that the sight would be...fascinating.”

Fascinating.

The way the word rolled off of his tongue made my skin prickle. My eyes immediately flicked up to meet his and my laughter stopped. I would have had to be a world class idiot to miss the suggestiveness of his statement. I became suddenly and acutely aware his hand at my side and the strength of my own pulse. Did he feel it too, the flutter of my heart in response to his declaration?

“Oh. Would you like to volunteer?” The words spilled from my mouth without a second thought. My mind tried to backpedal, but I had unleashed a flood of words that could not be stopped. How stupid I must have sounded. I could feel my face flushing, my cheeks burning with embarrassment or desire or both. No, this was wrong. I hardly knew Solas, my duty was to close the Breach, I couldn’t allow myself the distraction...not now.

The stillness between us that followed was mortifying. I almost wished we were fighting demons. Demons were simple, they were straightforward and easy to handle. This was something else. This was madness.

There were a thousand emotions I could have read on Solas’s face: curiosity, interest, disinterest desire, conflict, regret, sadness, indifference. None of them could be pinned down, and none of it made sense to me.  
Finally he spoke.

“What I would like is irrelevant. For now, securing the help of the mages is what should have your focus. Enera’nehn, da’len.” I could smell the spice on his breath as I inhaled and I could feel the heat of his words caressing my face. Even through the thick leather of my coat I could feel his hand still hesitating at my side. My pauldron had long since been unfastened, there was no logical reason for his hand to linger and yet it did. I hoped it was his reluctance I felt as he pushed the pauldron into my hand and turned away. 

“Sulemah’vir, hahren.” I was breathless.

I stood, frozen in place as Solas disappeared into his tent. My mind was still reeling and I tried to make sense of what had just happened. Had he just...had Solas just flirted with me? And had I...I had flirted back. I tugged my other pauldron off of my shoulder and returned to my own tent. My layers of leather and cloth couldn’t come off fast enough. They were suffocating, oppressive. The evening was warm enough that I just stripped down to my underclothes and climbed into my bedroll. At least in my dreams I might find some solace.


	6. Lead On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Solas-y dreams, a fade-field trip, and a cameo from everyone's favorite Inquisition Agent.

Slipping into the Fade was easy. I found myself in the Hinterlands, some time before the war and before the Blight. There was no fighting, no fires, no crumbling towers, or starving people. There was nothing but peaceful fields flush with flowers, fennecs, and druffalo. I waded through the waist deep grasses, taking my time to enjoy the landscape as it was meant to be. 

Tiny wisps stirred in my wake, darting around to watch me with curiosity. For some time I wandered with no clear purpose. I was simply appreciative of the peace, Creators knew I wasn’t finding any in the real world. One foot followed the other, through field and furrow until I found myself back at camp.

This was still the Fade, I was certain of it, and I was not alone.

“You again?” It was the same spirit, the one that had taken the shape of Solas back in Haven. Odd, I thought, that it should have followed me all this way.

“Does that concern you?”

“There are worse things I could have dreamed of.” I shrugged and the spirit laughed. At least I wasn’t dreaming of demons.

It made sense to me that it would have chosen to take the shape of Solas. He was a source of familiarity in a foreign world, a comfort, a guide, my hahren. Whether the spirit simply wanted company or had plans to manipulate me I didn’t know, I did not have enough evidence to judge one way or the other. Still, I did not let my guard down entirely. 

“Come, there is more I would show you.”

I did not hesitate to follow as he led.

We walked in silence for some time. The serene beauty of the Hinterlands gave way to the cold, forested swamps of the Korcari Wilds. I could see our destination from leagues away. It shone like a beacon, shimmering, catching the light of the fade at a thousand different facets like some ethereal gemstone. As we got closer I identified it as an ancient fortress.

There were spirits everywhere, swarming every surface they could reach. I stopped, watching in awe thousands of spirits stuck in a loop, feeding off of the echoes of life left by some massive battle. The veil was thin here.

Solas led me onwards. We passed through a large, rickety wooden gate, though empty camps, and to a large bridge that spanned a valley below. I did not recognize the place, but Solas gave me a look that suggested he expected me to piece it together.

“The Battle of Ostagar.” He announced after a moment.

I tentatively stepped to the edge of the bridge and peered over the side. The valley below was thick with spirits, moving, brawling, clashing. I squinted my eyes as I tried to make sense of the battle. There were two obvious forces, those of King Cailan and... “Darkspawn, I’ve never seen so many in one place before.” 

“You are lucky your clan was not in Ferelden at the time. Darkspawn are nothing if not brutal.”

I watched as the Darkspawn charged down the valley, like a flood of fire, destroying eveyrhting in their path. The Ferelden troops were stationed at the base of the bridge, a token force. There was no way they could take on the entire horde. 

“The warriors were outnumbered ten to one, they didn’t stand a chance.” I whispered, bringing my hand to cover my mouth as the spirits of the fallen warriors reenacted the battle, battling the darkspawn, dying over and over again. It was a slaughter, an inevitable tide against a sandcastle. King Cailan’s troops, the Grey Wardens had no hope for victory.

“It was all part of the plan. Once the Darkspawn were lured into the valley, the beacon was to signal Loghain’s troops to sweep in from behind. But…”

Solas gestured to the hillside above the valley. I turned to see The Tower of Ishal, it’s signal fire blazing. Then I looked down to Loghain’s troops. They should have been moving towards the battle, not away from it. Loghain’s troops were withdrawing.

“He betrayed them! He left Cailan, the Grey Wardens...hundreds to die.” I understood now why Loghain’s name had become a synonym for betrayer.

“That is one opinion, yes. What we’re seeing is just a reflection, spirits reacting to the emotions felt by the warriors. To some he was a power-mad villain, sneering as he let king Cailan fall. To others, he was a veteran commander, refusing to let more soldiers die to a lost cause.”

I hadn’t considered that there might have been a reason for Logain’s choice other than his own greed. It was easy to judge him guilty, but with so many Darkspawn...they might have failed even with Loghain’s troops.

For a moment I was silent. It was eerily easy to imagine myself in the same position. If I had to choose between sacrificing a few for the many, would I have done it? Would I have seen the battle of Ostagar as Loghain saw it? Hopeless? Had Cailan been the foolish one? There were so many questions to ask. Nothing seemed so clear-cut now.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” My voice trailed off as I lost myself in thought. All sense of time was lost as I watched the spirits battle again and again, watched Loghain betray his country over and over. I now understood the Battle of Ostagar.

There was still one thing I did not understand though. I stepped away from the edge of the bridge and turned to face Solas. For a moment I forgot that he wasn’t real. I smiled. “Of all the things to show me, why this?”

There was real warmth in his expression, a smile as he shifted to lean on his staff. “The Inquisition may someday hold great power. The best leaders are those who act with an understanding of the world, those who realize that nothing is simply black and white.”

“I am no leader.” My smile faded as I shook my head. I might someday lead my clan, but not the Inquisition. My place was not at the head of a shemlen organization. I glanced down to the eternal battle raging below us, to King Cailan and Loghain. A leader had to make the tough choices and live with the consequences. I would do what I must, but there were other more capable leaders than I.

Solas stepped closer and reached out, his thumb and forefinger gently closing around my chin to guide my gaze back to him.

“You already lead them.” Our eyes met.

My heart swelled. Whether I had been aware of it or not, I had silently been seeking his approval from the moment I met him. This was the first time I felt myself truly above his scorn.

I couldn’t help but try to read him. There was sadness in his eyes, there always was, but beyond that I saw warmth. I saw admiration and pride. Admiration for me. Pride in me. It was a heady realization.  
My eyes wandered the angles of his face, mapping every freckle, every scar, the curve of his brow, his nose, and then his lips. Gods, his lips. 

Our eyes met again as his as his fingers shifted, releasing their hold on my chin to slide across the length of my jaw. His thumb brushed over my lips, tracing the line of my vallaslin that ran over them. I nearly lost myself in the Fade then as an extraordinary longing welled up inside of me. 

This wasn’t right, not with this thing, not here, not in the Fade. I was a mage, I knew better than to fall to these tricks but...Solas. The voice in my mind that should have been protesting was silent.

All at once I could feel myself being drawn from the Fade, a presence back in the real world calling for my attention. But I didn’t want to leave, not now. I tried to cling to my dream, but my my efforts were not enough. 

“I have something for you ser.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my sleep. My heavy eyes opened and I saw a very blurry Requisition Officer standing above me. A quick glance to the tent opening behind her told me that it was early morning. I should have been rising soon anyway, but of all the things to wake me from a pleasant dream...

“What.” I grunted, compelling my muscles to push me into a sitting position.

“A geological survey ser.” She held a sheet of parchment in front of me.

“You woke me up...for this?” I reached out to snatch it from her hand. There were words on the paper, but I was too tired to read them. I just stared past them, thinking of my dream.

“Sorry ser, I thought it was important.” Fortunately the Requisition Officer didn’t overstay her welcome. 

After she departed I rubbed the Fade from my eyes and set about dressing myself. My dream the night before had been pleasant to say the least, but I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. I donned my armor by myself, struggled with my pauldrons for an unreasonably long time, and stepped out of my tent when I had finished. 

The others were ready and waiting for me. I looked to Solas, wondering what he might think if he’d known that I’d dreamed about him the night before. His expression was as still as always.

“Ready to leave for Redcliffe?” I asked, grabbing myself a bit of bread for the road.

“Bianca and I are ready when you are.” Varric enthusiastically replied, moving closer to join me.

“Let’s go find those mages.” Blackwall followed.

And then there was Solas. He stepped up beside me, cool and collected, and replied with a knowing smile. “Lead on, Herald.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cockblocked by the Requisition Officer. It'd totally happen since she NEVER LEAVES YOU ALONE.
> 
> In my headcanon the RO's name is [Patrice](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/8d/ff/02/8dff02e5d4c77903c6a9bd1ea7a43b5a.jpg)


	7. In Hushed Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touching on how an Inquisitor who took their love interest to Redcliffe might react to the events of In Hushed Whispers. I mean, you basically watch them die. I’d think even someone with nerves of steel would be affected by it at least a little.
> 
> Lavellan is also starting to get a wee bit distracted by our favorite Elvhen. So much for putting duty first. Can't say I blame her though.
> 
> And of course Dorian would notice.

The rest of the day was a blur, literally. We traveled to Redcliffe in hopes of securing the aid of the Rebel Mages only to find ourselves thrust into the middle of Alexius’s insane plot to bend time itself. I found a new ally in a Tevinter mage by the name of Dorian Pavus. Though I was suspicious of him at first, Dorian quickly proved himself trustworthy. Without him, and without Alexius’s son Felix I would have been blind to the danger of the situation.

We confronted Alexius in Redcliffe castle, hoped that we might be able to convince him to see reason, but it was no use. As we stood on the dais Alexius opened his hand to reveal an amulet. He cast a spell, the amulet began to glow and I heard Dorian shout.

There was a flash of green and then a snap that shook through every fiber of me. 

Darkness.

I found myself knee deep in dirty water, my head spinning. A quick look to my left told me that I was not alone. Dorian had survived Alexius’s spell too, but the others...Varric, Blackwall, and Solas were nowhere to be found.

“Where’d they come from?” My head whipped back to see two very confused looking guards standing in front of us. They charged, we retaliated. They didn’t stand a chance.

“Displacement...interesting. It’s probably not what Alexius intended. The rift must have moved us to what...the closest confluence of arcane energy…” Dorian immediately began investigating our situation.

“The last thing I remember we were in the castle hall.” I rubbed my temple, trying to soothe the throbbing in my head. The anchor flickered in my palm. 

“Let’s see, if we’re still in the castle it isn’t..Ahhh! of course it’s not simply where, it’s when. Alexius used the amulet as a focus, it moved us through time.” 

Time travel? But that was impossible. The weight of understanding made me briefly nauseous, or maybe it was just a side effect of the fucking time travel. 

“Did we move forward in time, or back and if so, how far.” I immediately began asking questions, trying to puzzle it all out. Wherever we were, whenever we were, we were going to make it right. We were going to fix this mess.

“Those are excellent questions. We’ll have to find out, won’t we?” Dorian went elbow deep in the murky water and plucked a set of keys off of one of the guards. After tucking the keys away he examined his dripping sleeve. “My poor robes. I’ll have to have new ones made once we get back. I’m sure Alexius won’t mind footing the bill.”

We cautiously explored the castle, what we assumed was Redcliffe Castle. Red lyrium was everywhere, seeming to sprout from the very stone itself. I gave it a wide berth whenever I could. 

We found Fiona first, speared through the gut by a great red crystal. She was beyond help, but she was able to give us the date and the knowledge that our companions were still alive and in the castle somewhere.

Our pace picked up. We hadn’t a moment to lose. Dorian and I charged blindly down the hallway and into another cell block.

My heart stopped. 

“Solas!” He was alive, breathing, pacing in his cage. I seized the keys from Dorian and rushed to cell door. In my haste I fumbled, the keys nearly tumbled to the floor.

“You’re alive?!? We saw you die!” Solas exclaimed, bewildered. 

“The spell Alexius cast displaced us in time. We just got here, so to speak.” Dorian added. I finally found the right key. The lock clicked and I flung the door open.

“Can you reverse the process? You could return and obviate the events of the last year. It may not be too late.” 

Solas stepped out of the cell. It wasn’t until he got closer that I realized the extent of his condition. Fiona had been impaled by the red lyrium, consumed by it. Though Solas was moving freely he didn’t look much better. His eyes, his beautiful, sad, blue eyes were gone. What remained was dead, red and sickly.

“Solas…” My voice cracked as my throat ran dry. “You look...bad. Is there anything I can do to help?” I hardly even knew what red lyrium was. My only experience was what Varric had mentioned in casual conversation. There had to be something I could do.

I reached out to touch Solas’s arm, wanting to give and receive comfort, but he stopped me with a shake of his head.

“I am dying da’len, but no matter. If you can undo this they can all be saved. But you know nothing of this world. It is far worse than you understand…”

Solas described the events of the past year, the rise of Alexius’s master, the Elder One. He told us of the assassination of Empress Celene, and of a demon army’s invasion of the south of Thedas. It was a lot to take in.

There was little time to lose. We armed Solas and proceeded through the castle. The others were scattered about the dungeons: a lyrium addled Blackwall, Varric, and to my surprise Leliana. Alexius was holed up in the main hall, nothing but a desperate shadow of the man he once was. Together we defeated Alexius and recovered his amulet. The same amulet, Dorian said, that had sent us forward in time.

“Give me an hour to work out the spell he used, and I should be able to reopen the rift.” Dorian announced with confidence as he turned the amulet over in his hand.

“An hour? That’s impossible! You must go now!” Leliana growled.

The ground beneath us began to shake, and I heard horrible sound. There was something massive outside, something that wanted us dead. Stones began to fall from the ceiling, the castle was collapsing around us.

“The Elder One.”

“There’s a reason they won.” Blackwall said sadly.

My companions looked to each other and nodded, a wordless understanding passed between them. 

“We’ll hold the outer door. When they get past us it’ll be your turn.” Solas held his head high, looking as noble as I’d ever seen him.

“No! There has to be another way. I won’t let you commit suicide!” Whatever was outside, it was certain death. Logically I knew this was how it had to be, but my heart protested.

“Look at us.” Leliana scoffed. “We’re already dead. The only way we’ll live is if this day never comes. Cast your spell. You have as much time as I have arrows.” She led the charge towards the door. 

I watched as Leliana, Varric, Solas, and Blackwall left to face the Elder One. Only Solas paused as he passed by me.

For an instant my world was moving in slow motion. It was not the work of Alexius’s magic, but the simple presence of Solas that made everything around us seem still. He stepped closer, and stopped when we were toe to toe. His eyes were even more unsettling now, but I could not look away.

I stood perfectly still as he leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead. The heat of his lips on my cool brow radiated through me, warming me to the core. My breath caught in my chest.

“Ma ar'enansal. Ven'ena ma enasalin.” He whispered a simple blessing. 

“Ar’din nuvenin ma’dardin.” I protested. It was alarmingly easy in that moment to forget my duty. This Solas was real and I would see him die.

“Dar nadas.”

Solas was right. I swallowed with difficulty and nodded. He had once praised me for my indomitable focus. I couldn’t let myself stray, not now. 

It felt like no time had passed as he left, only half a stride behind Varric and the others. I watched as they rushed to the door and Leliana slammed it shut behind them. 

Almost instantly I could hear the fighting. It was close. The doors thundered, strained, pushed by something on the other side. 

This was the end.

The doors burst open, demons spilled into the hall. They dragged the corpses of my companions with them. The once steadfast Blackwall was thrown down on the stones like a ragdoll, Varric was crushed by the foot of a giant pride demon and Solas…

Leliana hailed them with arrows, but it was not enough. 

“Solas!”

I lurched forward towards his body as a terror dragged it across the stone. My mind and heart were at odds with one another. I couldn’t leave Dorian, but neither could I leave Solas.

“You move and we all die!” Dorian shouted. It was all the warning I needed. I knew what I had to do. Whatever feelings I had, I locked them away. Focus. There was work to do, this was the only way. I stepped back in line with Dorian.

Leliana rained arrows down on the demon army, but it was no use. They advanced on her, grabbed her, and I heard her defiantly growl a prayer.

I looked back to Dorian, to the amulet in his palm, now glowing. It was working! The glowing intensified, there was a bright flash of light ,and then peace. We were back in our time, no demon army, no red lyrium, and no death.

“You’ll have to do better than that.” Dorian sighed, snatching the amulet from Alexius’s hand.

“You won.” Alexius fell to his knees in surrender. 

We sent word to the Inquisition of our success, but they were far from the first to respond. Ferelden had already sent troops it seemed. They marched in not ten minutes after Dorian and I reappeared. After a heated debate with Queen Anora, I offered the mages a full alliance with the Inquisition.

My work in Redcliffe was done, for now. I sat down on the steps leading up to the dais and inhaled deeply. Blackwall and Varric stood to the side, talking to Dorian as Solas approached me. 

I looked up and nearly burst into tears at the sight of him. My sudden surge of emotion seemed to confused him.

“What happened?” Solas took a seat next to me.

Had it not all been so fresh in my mind I would have tried to temper myself. As it was, everything just seemed to flow out all at once. Before I knew it I’d thrown my arms around him, knuckles blanching as I made fists in his soft tunic. I could feel his hands move to my back, returning the hug in the gentlest way possible. Even if his enthusiasm didn’t match mine, the relief I felt was instantaneous.

“Alexius’s spell sent us a year into the future. The Elder One had murdered Empress Celene, raised a demon army...Redcliffe castle was full of red lyrium and you…” For the most part he seemed unmoved by my sudden display of affection. I released him from my desperate embrace, but I did not fail to notice that he caught my hand as I pulled away. “You were there. It was in your eyes and your skin. You were dying and... I watched you die Solas. You, Blackwall, Varric...Leliana...I watched all of you die.” 

It would take time for my nerves to settle themselves completely, but I felt much better just seeing that Solas was alive and well. I took a deep breath. Dorian and I had succeeded, and I would make sure the future I saw at Redcliffe would not come to pass.

“You are certain you experienced time travel? Could it have been an illusion? A trick of the fade?” He asked with an alarming casualness. 

“I’ve been to the Fade before. I’d know it.” There was no mistaking it, absolutely none.

“Point taken. What an amazing gift. It is vital the inquisition succeed to avoid the future you witnessed.” He seemed more in awe of Alexius’s spell than anything..

“I’m surprised you’re not interested in your own future.”

“I know enough. If that future happened then I know that I and Cassandra, and Cullen and the rest failed to stop this Elder One. Speaking of which, you should ready yourself.”

“For?”

“This Elder One. You have now interfered with his plans twice. Once at the temple of sacred ashes and now again at redcliffe. A being who aspires to godhood is unlikely to ignore such an affront.”

“Fenedhis.” I sighed. With Alexius out of the way I’d thought I would be able to rest easy, if only for a little while. I had nearly forgotten the looming threat of this Elder One

Solas released my hand and rose to his feet. 

“Wait.” I protested. For whatever reason I suddenly had it in mind to tell Solas what he’d said to me just before his death. He had encouraged me with a kiss, given me strength that helped me stand fast when I wanted to run. I could still feel his lips on my forehead, a ghost of his blessing whispered in my time of need. 

“Yes?”

But what was the point? That was another future, something that never happened. To bring it up now would be...it was pointless.

“Nevermind.” I shook my head and reached up to rub my temple. “We should head back to Haven soon.”

Solas nodded and left, presumably to prepare for our return to Haven. I knew I would have to get off my ass soon, but traveling through left me so shaken that I couldn’t yet find the strength to get to my feet. 

Footsteps clapped against the stone steps to my right. A pair of fine leather boots entered my field of vision and I looked up to see Dorian.

“Are you and Solas…?” The grin on his face could only be described as impish. He thought he was being sly.

“Are we what?” I played innocent. Well, technically I was innocent.

“You didn’t react half so strongly seeing your other companions dying. It’s not exactly subtle.”

“We are friends Dorian, nothing more.” I insisted. It was the truth. Solas had grown on me, was growing on me, but we were only friends...even if I had dreamt of almost kissing him...

“Mmmhmmm.” The melody in his humming made his skepticism clear. “Careful with him Inquisitor. If this Elder One is after you, he will use whatever he can to manipulate you...especially your friends.”

Dorian had a point. I grew quiet. The right thing to do, the smart thing to do, was to keep Solas at a distance. In Redcliffe I had struggled with the decision to leave him, but I couldn’t afford to make such a mistake again.

“At any rate, I would like to see this Breach up close, if you don’t mind.”

“You want to stay?” I welcomed and embraced the change in subject.

“The south is just so charming and rustic. I adore it to little pieces.” Dorian’s cheekiness made me laugh. If anything, I could value him for his ability to ease my nerves.

“I must admit I’m surprised.”

“We both saw what could happen, what this Elder One and his cult are trying to do. Not everything from Tevinter is terrible. Some of us have fought for eons against this kind of madness. It is my duty to stand with you. That future will not come to pass.”

Dorian reached out to offer me his hand. I took it gratefully and surged to my feet.

“There’s no one I’d rather be stranded in time with. Future or present.” I smiled and startled a laugh out of Dorian.

“Excellent choice, but let’s not get stranded again anytime soon, yes?”

“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made up Elven for the day:  
> Ma ar'enansal. Ven'ena ma enasalin. = You have my blessing. Go forth to victory. (Because saying Fen'harel enansal would probably not be helpful or welcome in that situation lol)  
> Ar’din nuvenin ma’dardin.= I don’t want you to die  
> Dar nadas.= It must happen


	8. The Call of Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blackwall tells the Inquisitor that Solas totally kicked his ass at Diamondback, this is how it went down.

Despite having several hundred mages in tow, we made good time on our journey back to Haven. The villagers met us with mixed feelings, grateful for our return but equally apprehensive of the mages’ presence. 

Everyone wanted to rest before attempting to seal the Breach, but I insisted on leaving as soon as possible. The sooner we closed the Breach the better, and there would be plenty of time for celebrating once our work was done. I led the mages to the remains of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. With their help the Breach was sealed for good. I could scarcely believe that it had worked. Cheers went up around me. It was time to return to Haven, time to celebrate our victory.

The celebrations had already begun by the time we arrived. Townsfolk took to the streets, bards made music, and couples danced. After living on the edge of our seats for so long, It was nice to finally have a reprieve. As we climbed the stairs to the Chantry, Varric invited me to the tavern for drinks. I took a rain check. There was one last bit of business to attend to.

I headed to the Chantry. There I took several hours to help Cassandra write out a report of the events at the temple. It was important, she noted, that we keep good records of our deeds. Too much knowledge and history had been lost to time because it had not been written down.

After we had finished, I left for the tavern.

“Lady Herald.” Josephine’s voice rang out.

I stopped walking and greeted her with a gentle smile. “You may call me Suledin, Josephine. I have no need of a title in private.”

“As you wish, Suledin. I was wondering if I might hear your opinion on a matter.”

“Of course, though I was just on my way to the tavern. Would you walk with me?”

Josephine fell in step beside me as we walked down the length of the Chantry and outside. “Now that the Breach has been sealed I believe we should throw a proper celebration. I was thinking perhaps a banquet. It would behoove us to invite the nobles who have supported us so far.”

“It sounds like a good idea to me, but why ask for my opinion?” Josephine certainly knew more about parties and diplomacy than I did. I had never even attended an Arlathvhen, let alone played host to dozens of nobles.

“Well, the nobles invited will expect to spend an evening mingling with you. I wanted to make sure you were okay with it before I sprang a party on you.”

“I think I can handle one night of schmoozing.”

It was early evening now and the Tavern was buzzing with activity. I pulled open the door and heard a familiar, grating voice call my name.

“Oh hey Herald! You should come watch this! Blackwall’s about to lose his pants. Wonder if his arse is as hairy as his face.”

I saw Sera perched on a stool next to a shirtless, trouserless Blackwall. Blackwall looked utterly defeated, clutching a hand of cards to his chest. Sitting opposite him was an amused looking, and fully dressed Solas.

No sooner had I stepped inside than Flissa offered me a pint of ale. I happily accepted it. Together Josephine and I waded through the crowd to join our companions at their table.

“No one needs to see my arse.” Blackwall grunted. The furrow in his brow deepening as he briefly glanced at his cards.

“I told you not to play cards with him.” Sera chortled. 

“I just taught him the game today! I didn’t think he’d take to it so quickly.”

“Even if he’s got his head crammed up a thousand years ago, he’s smarter than you.” 

“Thank you for rubbing it in my face Sera.” 

Solas flicked his cards down on the table. Blackwall grimaced and laid his down with a sigh. This clearly wasn’t Blackwall’s first loss.

“Your pants.” Solas said, smirking.

Sera was beside herself with laughter. Josephine began giggling, and despite my best efforts I joined in. I almost felt like a child again, I was certainly acting like it.

With all the haste his embarrassment could garner, Blackwall removed his smallclothes and tried to protect his modesty with his hands.

“I knew it!” Sera pointed as she doubled over. It seemed his ass was indeed quite hairy, even by human standards.

“I will return your clothes to the barracks, Blackwall. You can collect them there.” I knew Solas was clever, but I hadn’t pegged him as playful until that moment.

“You are _devious_!” I laughed and Solas grinned. From the looks of it he took it as a compliment, exactly how I had intended it.

“Oh come on, you’re not going to make me walk all the way back to the barracks like this, are you?” Blackwall shifted uncomfortably.

“Of course I am. Don’t worry, you are hardly the first to take a walk of shame.”

“In front of everyone?” Sheepishly Blackwall glanced around the room, quickly turning back when his eyes reached Josephine.

“In front of everyone.” Solas replied, unmoved.

“If I may, Warden Blackwall.” Josephine was still giggling, but I could tell she had thought of some clever, diplomatic way to ease Blackwall’s shame. She stepped away from the table for a moment and returned with a small wooden bucket. “This will allow you a little modesty.” She set the bucket down on the table in front of him.

“Thank you Lady Josephine.” Quick as a flash Blackwall snatched the bucket, covered himself, and made for the barracks. 

“I will see that his clothes are returned to the barracks.” Josephine said, relieving Solas of the responsibility. Her laughter gave way to an amused sigh as she gathered up Blackwall’s pants, trousers, shirt, socks, and boots. 

“Thank you Josephine.” Solas and I responded simultaneously. My laughter briefly resumed.

“I’m gonna watch his hairy arse walk itself all the way back to the barracks. This’ll be great!” Sera said, leaping off her stool to run off after Blackwall and Josephine. “Don’t play cards with him Herald. He’ll get you naked too.” I heard her call out as she disappeared through the door.

“I’ll keep that in mind Sera.” I shouted after her and took another drink of my ale.

“Any interest in a game of diamondback.” Solas was nothing if not sly. It was clear to me that he was joking, or at least I _thought_ he was joking. When I looked at him there was something in his eye that might have been mischief or...I suddenly felt as if I had swallowed a hundred tiny butterflies. I had assumed that he was joking, but now I wondered if he were serious.

It left me in an awkward position. Did I accept his offer and hope he wasn’t joking, or decline and regroup? With only an instant to decide, I chose the safer route. “Perhaps another time. I have no desire to walk back to my bed naked.”

“Fair enough.” 

I had made the right choice then, he _had_ been joking. 

Solas stood and began gathering up the coin he had won off of Blackwall. Panic suddenly flashed over me. Solas was going to leave. He had said as much before, that he would stay until the Breach was closed. After that...

I raised my ale to my lips and downed the rest of it in several large gulps. Tonight was for celebrating, and I didn’t want to be alone. If Solas was going to leave, tonight was as good as any to resolve my feelings. 

“I would appreciate a game of chess though.” I announced as I set my empty cup down on the table. Absentmindedly I licked the foam from my upper lip. I watched as Solas tracked the path of my tongue before meeting my gaze again. 

“You wouldn’t prefer to celebrate with the rest of the town?” 

“No?” I shrugged. The tavern was lively and certainly going to be full of fun, but I had little in common with the residents of Haven. Solas was the closest thing to a peer I had.

“I suppose there is time for a game or two. Come.” He beckoned. I followed.

His small cabin was only a few steps and a small staircase away from the tavern. There was no fire in the hearth when we entered, but that was easily remedied with magic. With a twist of his wrist Solas kindled a fire in the hearth while I lit a few candles for visibility.

I took a seat at the small table as Solas set the board.

“You seemed upset at Redcliffe.” He said as he took his seat across from me.

“You think?” I laughed, relaxing into my chair as my ale started to catch up with me. “It was...disturbing, watching you die in front of me.”  
It had been weeks since I had last played chess with Solas. I tried to focus, to remember everything that he had taught me. Every move mattered.

We took several turns in quick succession. “As I recall, you saw Varric and Blackwall die as well. I didn’t see you embrace them.”

I shifted my focus from the board to Solas. By candlelight shadows danced across his face, showing me only glimpses of his expression. I wanted to read him, but I couldn’t.

“Varric and Blackwall are my friends, but you...” My mind froze. I couldn’t even remember what I had meant to say. Unspoken words stuck in my throat and I sighed. “...I don’t know what you are.”

The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, but I could not see the the same smile in his eyes. “It would be best if it remained that way.” His voice told the same story, serene with a twist of sorrow.

Perhaps he was trying to let me down gently, but with liquid courage roaring through my veins I was having none of it. If he wanted to deny me, he would have to do it directly. I closed my fingers around my knight and made an irrational, foolish move.

“Who’s to say what should and shouldn’t be?” I challenged.

“Checkmate.” Solas frowned as he trapped my king. His disapproval was palpable. “Were you even trying?”

“Not really, no.” My chair scraped against the floor as I pushed it back and stood. With my eyes fixed on Solas, I raised my hand to the collar of my shirt and paused at the first button. With practiced ease my fingers slipped from the first button, to the second, then the third. My shirt parted in their wake. For a breath he faltered, even beneath the shadows I could see it clear as crystal, his look of disapproval replaced with a look of restrained desire. 

Almost instantly he recovered from his misstep only to lecture me. “You are being foolish.” He warned. It wasn’t enough to dissuade me. I had seen the want in his eyes. I kept pressing.

“You took an item of clothing from Blackwall every time you won a hand. Why should playing with me be any different?” I tittered, my fingers unfastened the fourth and fifth buttons, revealing my breast band underneath. 

Solas stood and I paused to watch. My heart thundered in my chest as he approached, stepping around the small table to face me. He reached out to take my hand, staying it before I could undo another button. “Because you are different.” His austerity seemed to abate and my pulse quickened again. I wanted him. I wanted him to want me. He _did_ want me, but... In silence he began to button my shirt back up. 

I couldn’t hide my disappointment, but even in rejection his touch was tender and lingering. “The prize I claim for winning is your company, nothing more. If you wish to bare yourself to me, you may do so when _you_ win.” The wit in his tone surprised me. It wasn’t a dismissal of my feelings, it was a challenge. Beat him at chess and then...then he would have me. 

“Me beat you at chess? Impossible.” As likely as nugs sprouting wings and flying about Haven. 

“Improbable. Nothing is impossible.” He corrected me with a gentle smile. 

I had expected after the rejection that he would politely end our conversation and suggest I return to my quarters. He didn’t. Instead he moved his hand against my collar, his spindly fingers brushing along my my neck until his hand stopped to cup my cheek. My own hands hung uselessly at my sides, overwhelmed by his presence. 

I was sure he had it in mind to kiss me. I could see it in the way he looked at me, wanting but hesitating. I wanted to steal a kiss from him, I was going to do it as soon as I had gathered my courage, but then I heard the bells. 

I didn’t even know Haven had bells. 

“Forces approaching! To arms!” Came a shout from outside. 

Our tender moment evaporated in a flash. Regardless of what we desired, duty came first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently strip chess is a real thing. Who knew?


	9. To Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else notice all the wolves howling on the march through the blizzard? I’m pretty sure it's not important, but this is fanfic so...why the hell not.
> 
> This chapter is a bit light on fun, and thus was a bitch and a half to write, but fear not...fade tongue in the next chapter!

I woke up cold, shivering, aching, mark flickering on my hand. How had I gotten here? I wracked my brain trying to remember. 

My first few steps were agony, there wasn’t a muscle in my body that hadn’t been strained. I wondered too if I hadn’t broken a rib. Inhaling too deeply felt like someone was driving a knife into my chest. I soon fell into a steady, limping rhythm, footsteps echoing against the cave walls. 

It came back to me piece by piece. I recalled the torches of the red Templars flowing over the mountainsides, t people running, people dying, fighting, burning, and Corypheus, his dragon, the orb...the anchor.

The cave’s exit arched over the path ahead, the only path I could take. I stumbled forward several steps, stopping as three shades forced themselves through the veil in front of me. I had fought through an army of Red Templars, steeled myself to face Corypheus himself, and survived an avalanche. Even as beaten and broken as I was, I was not ready to give my life to a few shades.

In my hand he anchor flared, brighter and more vibrant than ever. The compulsion to use it was unbearable. I threw my hand forward and watched as the anchor seemed to tear a hole in the veil itself. The shades dissolved and flowed through the tear. When I looked past them I could see into the fade, so close I could almost reach out and touch it.

Whatever Corypheus had done to remove it had only made it more powerful. Now I understood why he was ready to tear down Haven just to get to me. With a flick of my wrist I mended the tear, and it closed with a snap.

I walked on to the exit. Stretched out before me was nothing but white. My outfit offered little protection from a march through the snow, but staying in the cave would mean certain death. At least if I walked, I wouldn’t die knowing I’d given up. 

The only thing I could hear, aside from the bitter, biting wind as it assaulted my ears, was the howling of wolves off in the distance. If the cold didn’t get me, and if the red templars didn’t catch me, the wolves would certainly find me and finish me off.

“Mythal guide me, and may the dread wolf never hear my steps.” I whispered a quiet prayer as I stepped out of the cave. In the snow ahead of me I could barely make out a faint, dark patch. It was as good a landmark as any. I trekked towards it. 

As I got closer I identified the patch as the remains of a broken wagon. Strange that it should be here, and on top of all of the snow. Perhaps it was left from Haven’s exodus. I couldn’t dwell though. if I stopped, faltered for even a moment I would certainly freeze to death. 

I pushed my way through a snowdrift, looking ahead for another landmark. In the distance I could make out the shape of trees. A forest. It might offer me some shelter. As I raised my foot to take another step I heard the howl of the wolves again. They were in the forest.

“Howls, not to hurt but to help. I can help.” A boy with a wide brimmed hat appeared in front of me...Cole, the boy that had arrived just before Corypheus assaulted Haven.

“How did you get here? How did you find me?” Whether or not the boy was trustworthy was still up for debate, but I didn’t exactly have time to dawdle.

“You are bright, like a beacon. Even in the blizzard you shine.”

I briefly looked down at my hand. The anchor was was glowing brightly, pulsing in time to my heartbeat. Perhaps that was what Cole meant.

“Where are the others? Where do I go?” Looking ahead I could see nothing but snow and trees. 

“Follow the wolves.” Cole replied.

And then he was gone.

I considered his advice for a moment. Wolves would most certainly prey on me, but wolves were likely following the villagers that had left from Haven. Moving towards them was my best chance at survival. I could still hear them, howls echoing in the mountains ahead of me. I didn’t have much else to lose. I used what little magic I had left to place a few weak warming runes on my clothes and set off after the wolves.

As the cold sapped my energy, the runes began to fade one by one. I walked and walked and walked, placing one foot in front of the other until the muscles in my legs seized. I was so close. I could see firelight flickering over the ridge in front of me. Just one more step. I willed my legs to move, but they collapsed under my weight. Creators, let this be enough. Let them find me.

Someone must have heard my prayers. 

“There! It’s her!” In that moment, Cullen’s voice was the sweetest sound I had ever heard.

“Thank the maker!” Cassandra was there too.

I was saved.

I remembered the sensation of being lifted, the feeling of Cullen’s fur-lined armor against my face, and then nothing.

Some time later I woke, warmed and rejuvenated. The eyes of the whole camp were on me. They looked to me as their leader, as the Herald of Andraste. Solas pulled me aside and explained what he knew of Corypheus and his orb, an orb he informed me was of our people, of our _gods._

Shit.

But good news came with the bad, a place, a fortress where the Inquisition might build, safe from Corypheus’s advances. Our odyssey began at daybreak. 

“Skyhold.”

I saw it as Solas and I crested the ridge, a great stone fortress sitting on top of a mountain. It seemed so...out of place, surrounded by nothing but snow and stone for miles in all directions.

“How did you know about this place?” I looked to Solas in awe.

“When one walks in the Fade, any fortress that has seen enough battle shines as a beacon for spirits drawn to death and struggle, even after centuries of disuse.” He was nonchalant to the point of smugness, as always.

“And its name? Skyhold?”

“Our people once called it Tarasyl’an te’las- the place where the sky was held back. Given your efforts against the Breach and our battle against a madman who seeks to assault the Black City, I can only hope that it lives up to its name.”

“And you would have me take credit for finding it?”

“They follow you.”

“They follow the mark.” I corrected. Without it I was just another Dalish, and the humans would not be so eager to follow me.

“Regardless, their faith in you as a leader must be nurtured. If we wish to defeat Corypheus the Inquisition must grow powerful enough to oppose him. You are the one that will lead it, not I.”

I didn’t quite understand the gravity of Solas’s statement until we made it to Skyhold. No sooner had the last villager filtered in than Cassandra and Leliana had pulled me onto the steps and presented me with a heavy, shemlen sword. A sea of faces stared at me from below, looking to me as they had looked to me in the camp.

There was no room left for doubt. I was their leader whether or not I wanted the role. 

“There would be no Inquisition without you. How it will serve, how you lead: That must be yours to decide.” Cassandra announced as Leliana offered me the sword.

I grabbed the sword, and heaved it into the air as I mustered my fiercest voice. “Corypheus will never let me live in peace, he made that clear. He intends to be a god, to rule over us all. Corypheus must be stopped.”

Led by Cullen, cheers filled the courtyard. With renewed hope and ambition, I stepped inside with my advisors to create a plan.


	10. Trick of the Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What we know about the Fade is questionable since the codexes we have don’t necessarily come from good sources. I am of the opinion that any mage is able to have a measure of control over their own dreams, but only spirits or somniari can actually shape the Fade and influence others. The line “Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you.” makes me think that the Inquisitor is the one driving the dream and just picked Solas up for the ride (though, as a powerful somniari himself, I doubt he’s under any obligation to stay.) It makes sense then that Solas would be super impressed with her skills.
> 
> Got some fade-tongue in this chapter, for those using ctrl+v :P

There was something comforting about Skyhold. In Haven I had felt imprisoned, but not here.  
Perhaps it was the knowledge that this place had been important to my ancestors, or even magic in the place itself. Here I felt safe, nigh on untouchable.

The first few weeks were trying, but eventually everyone managed to carve out their own place. As the Inquisitor, I was granted the suite at the top of the tallest tower...though I would have been just as happy with a room off the garden. Varric likened it to human fairy tales, where I was a Princess trapped in the highest room of the castle’s tallest tower. I disagreed of course. I was nothing like a helpless Princess, and Skyhold was no trap.

The extravagance of my quarters took some getting used to. My bed was impossibly large, and I had enough floor space to winter a whole herd of halla. The best part was the bath. In Josephine’s office we had found an old copper tub. No one else seemed to want it, so I had it cleaned and moved up the stairs to my quarters. With a bit of water and a few small runes, I could have a warm bath whenever it pleased me. 

That evening I drew my own bath with the help of a little magic. The water was near scalding as I lowered myself into it. My muscles, still achy from the trauma they had suffered in Haven, were immediately soothed. Carefully I unravelled my braids, sending waves of pale gold cascading over my shoulders and splaying out into the water. I fished around for a pumice stone I had tossed in the tub earlier, and began scrubbing at the soles of my feet.

The stone had only just touched my feet when I heard a knock at the door. Given my state of undress, there were several ways I could proceed. I could choose to ignore the knock, choose to forego my bath and hastily dress myself, or I could just invite them in. I chose the latter. It was probably just Josephine anyway, and I didn’t figure she would mind.

“Come in.” I called out as I resumed my scrubbing. 

The door opened and closed quietly; soft footsteps padded up the staircase. Though I knew Josephine to walk quietly, these steps were too quiet to belong to her. The voice that accompanied the feet didn’t belong to her either.

“Oh, forgive me Inquisitor.” A slightly surprised looking Solas stood at the top of the stairs. To his credit he didn’t stumble over himself the way I would have expected Blackwall or Cullen to.

“Solas.” I cleared my throat, trying to disguise my surprise and embarrassment. The water was deep enough that I was submerged up to my shoulders. So long as I didn’t stand, I felt comfortably concealed. 

Just for a flash, the tiniest glance, Solas’s eyes darted from mine to what lay below the surface of the water. He was interested, or at the very least, curious. A tiny voice in the back of my mind dared me to stand and expose myself, but I batted it back.

“It is nothing of great importance, I shall return at another time.” He turned to leave.

“No, you’re fine.” I protested. Had it been any other man I would have bid him leave, but Solas was different. “What is on your mind?” I asked, drawing him back.

He turned back and walked past my tub to place a piece of parchment on my desk. When he had finished he faced me, hands clasped behind his back. “I have plotted on a map the locations of other artifacts. It would be worth our time to activate them.”

“Of course.” If he was at all bothered by my bathing, he didn’t show it. Neither did he show any undue interest. His eyes remained fixed on mine, only straying as the anchor on my hand flickered, reflecting off of the water and casting shades of green around the room. 

With the slightest of nods he excused himself and made for the stairs again.

“Before you leave, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. It’s...about the mark. I would appreciate your insight.” I stopped him with my words once more.

“You wouldn’t prefer to have this conversation later?” He twisted to speak to me over his shoulder.

“You said the orb was Elven so I thought it best that this conversation just be between the two of us. Now is as good a time as any.” It would certainly raise less suspicion having the conversation now than if I had tried to find time during the day to pull him aside.

“It is ancient magic, unlike anything we have seen in this age.” He reiterated what he had told me the night after Corypheus invaded, turning to face with the same stoic posture as before. 

“You said the orb channeled power from our gods.” The bathwater rippled as I turned my palm towards the ceiling. The mark flickered innocently as I traced it with a finger.

“I did.”

“Corypheus said it was permanent, that I’d spoiled it. Do you really think it’s permanent? Or maybe he doesn’t understand how to use the orb.”

Solas’s brow crept upwards ever so slightly. I took this to mean had his curiosity. “A good question. Corypheus thinks the orb is of Tevinter, but his empire’s magic was built on the bones of our people. If he does not understand the orb’s origin, he could not hope to understand what it is capable of.”

“Then if we recover the orb...if we figured out how to use it, the anchor could be removed?” From the moment I’d first realized I possessed the Anchor I was torn between wanting to embrace it and wanting to drive it out of my body. There was no doubt in my mind it was a useful tool. What I worried about were the implications of such power.

Solas leaned back against the banister at the top of the stairs. “It might, but why would you want it undone? You alone have the power to open and seal rifts, the power of a god. You would give it up?” Despite his relaxed posture, he looked stunned.

It would not have surprised me to learn there were thousands of people lined up to assassinate me in hopes of taking the anchor for themselves. Some people would do anything for power, especially the power to enter the Black City and sit in the seat of the Maker. Me, I just wanted to fix everything and be done with it.

“I would not throw it away thoughtlessly, but power comes at a price. Everyone knows that.” It was a lesson every Keeper taught their first. If things seemed too good to be true, they likely were. Demons in particular seemed to enjoy taking advantage of those who with ambition and a hunger for power. 

“And what price do you fear the anchor would exact?” There was a warmth in his voice now, an openness he rarely showed in public. He was always so soft-spoken and polite. It delighted me that he was willing to show me that he cared, even if it was in his usual, subtle way.

“I don’t know, my life? My freedom? Corypheus used the orb to drive me to my knees even after I had refused. As long as I have the anchor my hand can be stayed by anyone who wields the orb. It’s not exactly a good position for the leader of the Inquisition to be in.” 

The despair and fury I’d felt as Corypheus tried to draw the anchor from my hand were still fresh in my mind. I wasn’t going to let him have it, even if it killed me.

“Then it stands to reason that recovering the orb should be a priority.” Solas casually replied.

I was a bit disappointed that he hadn’t had any insight to share. Then again, he couldn’t know much more about the orb than I did.

“Yes.” I frowned as I examined the mark more closely. I wanted to understand the anchor, to know what it was capable of and what risks came with it, but Solas didn’t have the answers I sought. Perhaps Dorian might know something, if not the truth then at least something the Tevinters learned when they enslaved the elves.

“There is something else?” He prodded, correctly assuming that I had more questions.

The ancient elves had once known immortality. It had come naturally to them as did their magic. If I now possessed their magic…

“They say our people used to be immortal, you don’t think…”

“That the mark has made you immortal? No.” The speed with which he delivered his answer suggested that he knew it as fact. 

“Good.” I sighed, relieved.

“You would not seek immortality when it is what you were meant to have?” I couldn’t quite tell if he was offended, or just very surprised. Perhaps it was a little bit of both.

“I’m just full of surprises today, aren’t I.” I laughed, easing the tension. “What good would immortality be with no one to share it with? It would be a curse, living alone for an eternity.” The idea of being eternal, unchanging was a foreign and unnerving concept. Even with the company of others, eternity was a very long time.

The surprise Solas had expressed was gone in a flash. With one sentence I had changed him, and the sadness he seemed always trying to suppress came straight to the surface. It was obvious in the way his shoulders fell, the way his brows drew together, and the way his voice suddenly sounded raw. “Yes it would.” 

“Ir abelas, I have upset you.” I had to make it right. The voice that had dared me to stand was now screaming at me. For whatever reason Solas was grief-stricken, and I needed to make it better.

I raised myself out of the water slowly and stepped out of the tub. Though I had long since closed the balcony doors, the cold night air still found ways to seep through. In contrast to the heat of my bath it was a shock. My skin prickled with goosebumps.

“No...Forgive me. I have travelled the Fade, seen many things long forgotten. I know better than most the misery of a lonely spirit.” Solas quickly buried his sorrow again as I rose from the bath. His expression shifted, softening first and then darkening. Even as I turned to make for my bed, I could feel his eyes on me, roaming over every inch of me. 

“I can imagine.” For once I found myself able to sympathize. I too had seen things in the Fade, the Shadow Goddess who wandered the tundra alone, wailing. Solas had most certainly seen more than I had, and to be helpless...no wonder he was so melancholy. 

I plucked my robe off of my bed and made a show of slipping it on; One arm first, and then the other. Finally I cinched the belt around my waist, but not so tightly that I was completely covered. If that didn’t catch his eye, I was convinced that nothing would.

Turning back towards Solas, I padded quietly across the room. With each step I took his posture stiffened a little more until he was standing with his hands clasped behind his back again. When we were nearly toe to toe I stopped and looked up to meet his gaze. 

“Whatever it is, whatever burdens you... if there is anything I can do to help, ask and I’m yours.” My heart leapt into my throat as the little voice in my mind dared me to act on my desires. Unthinking, I raised up onto my toes. My hand caught the sleeve of Solas’s tunic to stabilize myself as I leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

It was over as quickly as it had started and I rocked backwards onto my heels. My hope had been to spur some interest from him, but he made no immediate reaction. In Haven I had been sure he wanted to kiss me, but perhaps that time had passed.

“Would that it were so simple. Please excuse me Inquisitor, there is...work that requires my attention.” His response wasn’t what I had hoped for. I pined for him, and he left me wanting. I had the feeling that it was a misdirection. He was hesitant, uncomfortable and looking for an escape route. I graciously provided one for him.

“Of course, I won’t keep you.” 

As much as it pained me to do so, I turned and walked to my desk. Busying myself with work would be the best way to distract myself from my folly. I examined the map Solas had deposited there earlier. There were far more artifacts scattered throughout southern Thedas than I had realized. If we were to activate them all, the Veil in Thedas would be far stronger.

I didn’t hear Solas leave except for the quiet latching of the door as he closed it behind him. 

With a sigh I forgot my bath and sunk into the ocean of blankets piled atop my bed. What a fool I had been, trying to pursue him. Had he not made it clear before, that he had nothing to offer me? And yet I saw nothing in him that suggested disinterest, just hesitation. But why? Duty, inferiority, our difference in age, memories of heartbreak...it could have been anything, and I hadn’t a clue.

Eventually my mind settled and I was able to doze off, twisted into my sheets as always. That night I dreamed of the Frostback Mountains, a memory of my solitary journey through the snow. It was far less unpleasant here in the Fade. The snow was cool but it didn’t threaten to freeze my muscles, and the wind didn’t bite at my ears. I slowly retraced my steps, winding back through the pass and towards Haven.

“You continue to surprise me Suledin.” It was the spirit again, still assuming the form of Solas. I had come to think of it as a friend, or at least not an enemy. Demons made bargains, but this spirit had so far been content with my company. “Let us talk...preferably somewhere more interesting than this.”

He did have a point. The surroundings, a mountain pass filled with nothing but snow and a few trees, wasn’t likely to have any interesting memories to explore. The spirit fell in step beside me and we walked in silence until we reached Haven.

The detail of this Haven surprised me. Everything was exactly how I had remembered it, down to the papers tacked on the wooden palisade. 

“Why here?” I asked. Solas seemed to have a destination in mind. As we climbed the steps I slowed my pace ever so slightly, allowing him to take the lead.

“Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you.”

This was a memory from before Corypheus’s attack, as all the buildings were intact. The only thing that seemed out of place was the silence. The whole town was empty and eerily quiet.

I followed as Solas led me to the Chantry and into the basement where Cassandra had kept me after the explosion at the conclave.

“I sat beside you while you slept, studying the anchor.” Solas started.

My stomach immediately twisted, a gut reaction raising all sorts of alarm bells. Something wasn’t right. I threw a hand up to stop him.

“Woah. What do you mean _you_ sat beside me? You’re a spirit.” Even if he could have plucked that memory from my mind, I only had scraps I’d heard from Solas, Varric, and Cassandra.

“Am I?”

I began to doubt myself. “Well, I’m in the Fade. What else could you be if not a spirit?” The only other thing I could think of was a demon, but that didn’t quite seem to fit. Demons were clever, but not clever enough to play a long game like this.

“Do you remember what I told you, the first day we played chess?”

I chose to indulge the spirit, or Solas, or whatever it was, for a moment. I thought back to the first time we had played chess in the little cabin up on the hill. We had talked about the fade and briefly touched on Solas’s past. My eyes grew wide as everything seemed to fall into place.

“You said you learned to control your dreams with full consciousness. A somniari?” Keeper Deshana had taught me what little she knew of somniari, that they had the power to control and influence the dreams of others, even to kill them if they wanted. I had known Solas to be a proficient mage, but with this gift he was even more powerful than I realized.

Solas smiled broadly.

“You mean it was you, this whole time? With the Shadow Goddess, and the Battle of Ostagar?” I recalled what my Keeper had taught me, not to trust anything in the Fade but myself, but it all fit...I had no reason to doubt the story, though I would of course verify it with Solas once I woke.

He nodded in affirmation and to my surprise, chuckled. “I thought you knew.” 

“I didn’t, I thought you were a spirit of wisdom or something.” 

Solas shrugged casually and leaned on his staff. “I’ve been mistaken for worse.”

I turned to look down at the cot, wondering what it must have been like for him, sitting at the bedside of a woman who defied all logic but being unable to ask her any questions. 

“I’m glad someone was watching over me.” It was the truth. No one in Haven had cared about me. In fact, most of them had blamed me for the Conclave and wanted me dead. Even Solas hadn’t cared for me then, but now...

“You were a mystery, you still are. I ran every test I could imagine, searched the fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I didn’t produce results.”

“Cassandra’s like that with everyone.” I laughed, mirroring Solas’s relaxed posture.

“Yes.” Solas joined in my laughter. Seeing him laugh was refreshing and uplifting. I didn’t often see him looking anything other than glum, but when I did I felt accomplished.

We didn’t linger in the dungeons for long, and I had no complaints. Solas lead me up the stairs, from the Chantry, and out into the streets of Haven.

“You were never going to wake up. How could you, a mortal sent physically through the Fade? I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra...or she in me. I was ready to flee.” The way he spoke of me was truly fascinating. He had not been lying when he called me a mystery. I couldn’t help but notice the absurdity of his plan though, to _run_ from the Breach. An echo of the Breach swirled above us, memories of an earlier time.

 

“The Breach threatened the whole world. Where did you plan to go?” 

“Someplace far away, where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. I never said it was a good plan.” He was nothing if not honest. “I told myself, one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee and then…”

There was a flash of green, Solas was holding my hand against a rift as he helped me to close it. A memory of the day we’d met. “It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture...and right then, I felt the whole world change.” He said, stepping closer.

“Felt the whole world change?” I cocked a hip and rested my hand on my side. Whether or not he’d meant for me to take it personally, I couldn’t help but tease.

“A figure of speech.” He side-stepped the trap I had laid for him with surprising ease.

I decided to press him further. “I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in how _you_ felt.” I playfully stepped closer until we were nearly shoulder to shoulder. 

“You change...everything.” What I had expected was more of the same, more reluctance and resistance from him. It was obvious now that his resolve was beginning to crumble.

“Sweet talker.” I smiled and turned to look towards the Breach. My attention had not deviated from Solas, but now I had to decide how to proceed. I could either ignore this tension that had suddenly developed between us, or I could embrace it.

My deliberation only lasted for a second. I had one life, perhaps not even a full one thanks to Corypheus, and I was determined to live it to the fullest. I whipped around to face him. Before he’d even had a chance to react, my hand reached up to his cheek. I twisted him towards me and leaned in.

Our lips touched in a chaste but thrilling kiss. I did not presume to take it any further without active participation on Solas’s part. Even in the Fade I could feel my heart racing, my face flushing. My hand slipped from his cheek, to his shoulder, and down to my side as I pulled back. There could have been no doubt in his mind now that I wanted him, and he was free to use that knowledge as he pleased. 

I turned, intending to walk back to the Chantry or...well, anywhere but here. Before I had time to take a single step he had caught me by my sleeve and spun me back into his arms. Our lips crashed together as he bent me backwards. At first my nails bit into the leather of his vest as I tried desperately to keep my balance. I embraced him, and he me.

I could feel his tongue against my teeth. The sweet sound of a soft moan escaped him as my jaw slackened and allowed him entrance. It was better than I could have even imagined. A blinding heat shot through the center of me and began to build between my thighs. I had desired Solas for some time, but until now it had just been a casual daydream. 

Never would I have expected that my advances would be met with such enthusiasm. His hands made straight for my ass, drawing my hips forward to straddle his leg. The delicious friction sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through my body and, to my embarrassment, tiny sparks of electricity arcing at my fingertips. Now it was my turn to moan.

In one brief moment Solas had utterly destroyed the indomitable focus he had once praised me for. I was aimless, wanton, and completely at his mercy. He broke our kiss, pulling back to shake his head. It was a silent protest, a weak protest, but when he leaned in for another kiss it was completely forgotten. 

I clutched him to me, returning his fervent kisses with as much eagerness as I could muster. I could have gone on like that for hours. But Solas wavered again. He pulled back a second time, shook his head, and this time put me at arms length. 

“We shouldn’t. It isn’t right. Not even here.” His voice rang hoarse and thick with regret. 

“Why not?” I gasped, trying to catch my breath while offering him a reassuring smile. 

“That’s…” He hesitated. “Probably best discussed after you wake up.”

I awoke in my own bed, flushed and glistening with sweat. My hand trailed downwards to dip between my legs. I was drenched, not with sweat, but with lust. It had just been a dream but...it was so real. I closed my eyes once more, slipping not into sleep but a memory of my dream. 

My fingers slowly circled my clit as I recalled the way Solas’s tongue had swept into my mouth, the way his hands had gripped me so tightly, and oh...the sound of his soft moan. A gentle warmth rushed over me, a pleasure drawn-out by the memory of our kiss. I stifled a moan out of habit and relaxed back into my sheets, panting.

After a few minutes of resting I had recovered. The ridiculousness and irresponsibility of what I had done hit me like a brick. I had kissed someone… _something_ in the Fade. I had put myself, and consequently the whole Inquisition at risk. Until I had spoken to Solas in the flesh, I couldn’t be certain whether it was real or just a trick of the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t watched the flycam videos of Solas/Lavellan kissing, DO IT. They’re all up on each other during all three of their kisses. It’s wonderful.


End file.
